Title:    It is Too Soon to Say Goodbye 
Author:   Abigail Leigh 
E-Mail:   littlemiss_spookymulder@hotmail.com 
Rating:   PG-13 
Category: MSR 
Classification:  Vignette 
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully aren't mine. They're Chris Carter's 
and 1013's. Although I feel the CC didn't do the best job with the 
finale, all are entitled to their own opinion, and that is only my 
own. Which is exactly why I am writing this.

Summary:  Scully talks to Mulder about saying goodbye.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. We are here today to deliver the body 
of Fox Mulder to its final resting place..."

Why, Mulder? Why? That is all I can say, standing here, watching 
them lower you into the cold, dark earth. Watching them take my 
life away. Taking my touchstone away. Taking my love away. It's 
cold here, Mulder. Cold and dark and the sun frowns down on us 
through the clouds, reminding us. Is it cold where you are, Mulder? 
Are you alone and afraid of what will happen next? Or does the 
sun smile at you in the form of my god, taking care of you? 
Because that's what I want to believe.

Do you miss me as much as I'm missing you right now? The pain 
is an open wound that I know will never heal, never go away. It's 
burned a hole through my heart, leaving me empty and alone. All 
alone.

Look at me, Mulder. Wherever you are, look. I have your child in 
me, Mulder. This child is all I have left of you. A seed in a barren 
field. A miracle, our miracle.

Fate, you would call it, if you were here. God's hand, I feel I must 
call it. But maybe not.

Maybe it is fate, Mulder. A fate that brought us together. A fate 
that let us find love. And yet, a fate that allowed you to leave me 
here.

I just want to let you know, as I kneel to throw the first handful of 
sod into your final resting-place, that you will always be alive in 
my heart, you will always be in my dreams, my thoughts. It is too 
soon to say goodbye, Mulder.

Too soon for this to happen. Too soon for you to go. We finally 
had our lives together, our relationship consummated. And now 
this, the breaking point.

Oh, Mulder, it's been so long since I could touch you, feel your 
hands gently caress my face and let me know that everything is all 
right. Because that's what I need right now. A reassurance that 
we're going to be okay. I just wish that somehow your hands could 
touch me, give me what I need.

All I have in me are the memories. My memories of you. 
Everything we've been through. And through it all, I knew I had 
you, I could always go home to you. And tonight I will go home to 
your home, feed your fish, clutch your shirt, fall asleep in your 
bed, wish you could be with me again.

If I've never said so, Mulder, I love you more than life itself. I will 
try to forget my last sight of your face, pale and lifeless. I will try 
to forget having to get you ready for the funeral, feeling your cold, 
clammy skin under my shaking fingers.

Instead I will strive to remember our last time together, in 
Bellflauer, your strong arms around me, your warm breath on my 
face, holding me close. That moment I will keep forever.

I can't truly believe I'm really standing here. Saying goodbye. No, 
wait. I can't.

It is too soon to say goodbye, Mulder. So instead, like a beautiful 
reminiscence, I will leave with you words of love, words of a hope 
for a brighter future.

Farewell, my love, for soon we shall meet again.

Suddenly the sky begins to clear and the sun smiles down on me 
once again. A gentle breeze, comforting like your hands, sweeps 
over me, gently caressing my face, wiping the tears from my eyes, 
letting me know that everything is all right.

THE END.