From: Abigail Leigh Date: 8 Jan 2003 15:28:07 -0800 Subject: More Than This Source: atxc Title: More Than This Rating: PG-13 Summary: "I cannot be without you/matter of fact..." Mulder and Scully have a talk after a near "moment." Class: MSR, Major UST, Angst, Vig Timeframe: In FTF...answers the question: What if the bee hadn't stung? Spoilers: FTF Disclaimer: They ain't mine, they ain't mine, they definitely ain't mine! Archive: Yeah! Acknowledgments: To all my readers, especially to Trekkie for giving me the idea of no smut! LoL Thanks a lot! Also to the song "More Than This" by The Cure. I borrowed the title from them. Author's Notes: This isn't a songfic, although "Walking After You" lyrics are included, out of my undying loyalty to the song and my personal belief that it was meant for the hallway scene, in the end. I also included "Running Away" By Hoobastank, which I feel fits my story. Another Note: Please read the lyrics for these songs at the end of the story. They really do go with this! Feedback: The book of Abby says: Feedback unto others as you would have them feedback unto you. Littlemiss_spookymulder@hotmail.com Now for the fic... XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx Their lips were a moment away, and there was nothing to stop them. His hazel eyes filling with an unrestricted passion, her baby blues with something a mixture of anticipation and fear. It was a strange longing she had never felt before, a feeling that he knew all too well in her presence. And yet what they wanted wouldn't be. "Mulder...we can't..." she whispered anxiously as she pulled away from his kiss. He simply stared at her as hurt began to take the place of desire that had burned so vehemently only an instant before. There was so much he wanted to say to her. About his long unspoken feelings, about fate and love and something too wonderful for words. And yet the only single word he could muster from his vocal chords was, "Why?" He watched her expression carefully, her eyes still brimming with tears, her berry lips pursed together in an apparent attempt to keep those tears from falling. Or maybe it was to keep them from opening and allowing words to flow, allowing his entrance. She looked into eyes whose look mirrored her own, becoming bright with something held back, beginning to avert their gaze from her as he wondered aloud why she would withdraw. And quite honestly, she wasn't sure she could give an answer. He repeated his question. "Why?" Her arms dropped to her sides, and his followed, rough fingers taking hold on slender ones. He wasn't going to let this go. When she tried to pull away again he only gripped her tighter, pulled her against him and whispered harshly into her waiting ear, feral need taking over all rationalization. "Talk to me, Scully." How she wanted to. To let out words, break unspoken barriers that had come between them in the five years they had known each other. And yet something stopped her. "Not here," she managed, a soft murmur in the still hallway. In something that could only be described as a lightning flash, or maybe super-human speed, he turned both of them around and with hands on her shoulders prodded her gently into his apartment. As he closed the door behind them, she silently mused over what to say. It wasn't like her to be point-blank about feelings, and she wasn't sure she could now. He took a few steps toward her in the slowly dimming light of his entryway. How he wanted her to tell him, to let him know if she felt the same way he did. For the first time in what seemed to be forever, he'd been blunt about what he thought of her. That she was his touchstone, his everything. That he couldn't be without her. And it was all true, every word as sincere as he could ever be. He needed to know if the feelings were reciprocated. She turned slowly to face him and even in the shallow light he saw a tear slide down her cheek. In an instant she was in his arms, her face pressed against his chest, as it had been less than five minutes earlier. He ran fingers tenderly through the auburn locks and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. Against his chest, she felt his reaction to their close proximity. The racing of his heart and the gold flecks in his eyes were only upstaged by his ragged breaths and the beads of sweat on his skin. His arousal was more than evident, as she knew hers was, if not more so. "What's wrong?" he whispered gently as his lips left the confines of her hair. Her arms slid tentatively around his waist and she looked up at him as another tear fought its way to her eye. It broke his heart to see her like that, looking like a lost young child who couldn't quite find her mother. He ached to help her, to comfort her. To love her. But he didn't know how. One long finger tipped her chin up to face him and he uttered, "Please, Scully. Tell me. Just say it. Tell me you didn't want that kiss. That you can't return my feelings. I can take it, believe me. I've already taken it before." His voice cracked on the last word, pain-filled. When she didn't speak, it was his turn to pull away with a tearful glance in her direction. And it was her turn to be the comforter, to slide an arm around his stomach, to whisper, "Mulder..." as he stepped farther away from her, turning to open the door for her. Both arms found a place around his strong middle, and she squeezed and pulled until he finally had no choice. A gasp of surprise came from her lips when he stopped and fell back against her. The side of her face bumped his back, but instead of yanking herself away she stayed like that, rubbing her nose against the muscles. What was she doing? He wondered, but stopped moving just the same as she began to speak in soft tones. "Mulder," she said. "I can't tell you that. Because it wouldn't be true. Not to me, not to you. I can't say that I didn't want that kiss, Mulder. I did. I do. But tell me this, Mulder. If we were to let our guards down, even for a moment to allow something as simple as a kiss to happen between us, who's to say that we wouldn't want what we can't have? That we wouldn't need something more?" Her hands traced a path to the bottom hem of his shirt, and she slid them inside slowly. He drew in a quick breath and the muscles on his stomach tightened under her touch, but she drew her fingernails up and down over his six pack lightly. And his hands followed, moving up to squeeze her hands as he laced his fingers into hers. He guided her for a moment or two, and then her fingers reached the waistband of his jeans and gave a gentle tug as a single fingertip touched the top of his boxers. His grip on her hands tightened and stopped her, and he spun around, only letting go of her hands for a second before grasping them again. "Scully," he rasped. "Watch it." She looked down as he continued, "Who's to say we can't have more?" She looked up at him then. "Mulder, no matter how much we want it, this isn't meant to be. You know that. And if it's not meant to be someone will find a way to stop it. I was only sent to you to invalidate your work, to shut you down. Not to...Mulder...we just can't." As he held her hands in his, realization dawned like a new morning. "You're afraid." She pulled away again, azure eyes shiny with tears, and walked to the couch. She sat down and lowered her head into her hands. And then he knew he was right on target with that simple statement. She wasn't running because of a feeling that they couldn't have more, that something bad might happen. She was afraid of getting herself in too deep, of having more, of being happy. He lowered himself down to the floor in front of her and laid a hand on her knee. "Scully, I know you're scared of this, of something new. But you don't need to worry...if you fall, I fall with you." Her eyes raised to meet his, his features filled with tender concern. A smile began to tug at the corners of her mouth, and he thought he might have even seen a couple of teeth. "God, Scully," he continued. "You're everything to me. I won't let you get hurt. I just want..." "Want what?" she whispered, leaning down to touch her forehead to his. "More than this," he finished. "I want to love you." She smiled that time. "Then we want the same." He grinned back at her as an undescribable feeling began to cover him like a soft blanket of snow in the beginning of December. He pulled away momentarily and a rough thumb wiped away the vestiges of fallen tears on her beautiful face. Her eyes closed under his fire-like touch and a hand slid around to capture the back of his neck. She never knew that fire and ice could be together so well. But as she opened her eyes to watch his handsome face, the fervor returning to his eyes, his pulse racing through his fingers, the way he touched her gently, she knew it was true. As she began to pull him towards her, they both knew that this was the crossroads. And they were headed in the right direction. And then as they finally found release in a passionate dance of new lovers, they fell together. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx WALKING AFTER YOU~ by the Foo Fighters Tonight I'm tangled in my blanket of clouds Dreaming aloud Things just won't do without you Matter of fact Ohhhhh I'm on your back I'm on your back Ohhhhh I'm on your back If you'd accept surrender I'd give up some more Weren't you adored I cannot be without you Matter of fact Ohhhhh I'm on your back I'm on your back Ohhhhh I'm on your back If you walk out on me I'm walking after you If you walk out on me I'm walking after you Another heart is cracked in two I'm on your back, back Ohhhhh I cannot be without you Matter of fact Ohhhhh I'm on your back I'm on your back Ohhhhh I'm on your back If you walk out on me I'm walking after you XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx RUNNING AWAY~ by Hoobastank I don't want you to give it all up And leave your own life collecting dust And I don't want you to feel sorry for me You never gave us a chance to be And I don't need you to be by my side And tell me that everything's all right I just wanted you to tell me the truth You know I'd do that for you So why are you running away? Why are you running away? I cared enough to show you that I Was willing to give and sacrifice And I was the one who was lifting you up When you thought your life had had enough And when I get close you turn away There's nothing that I can do or say So now I need you to tell me the truth You know I'd do that for you So why are you running away? Why are you running away? Is it me? Is it you? Nothing that I can do To make you change your mind Is it me? Is it you? Nothing that I can do Is it a waste of time? Is it me? Is it you? Nothing that I can do To make you change your mind So why are you running away? Why are you running away? (What is it I have to say?) So why are you running away? (to make you admit you're afraid) Why are you running away? XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx El Fin ~Abigail~ END NOTES::: I hope you enjoyed my story. Thanks for taking the time to read it. :) Try to picture all of it happening. It makes it much better...*runs to take a *very* cold shower*