Title: Never Able
Author: Abigail
Rating: PG
Class: MSR, Angst, Mulder POV, Character Death

Summary: I've never been able to say it.

Timeframe: Definitely before Triangle. 

Spoilers: One Breath, Memento Mori, Redux 2.

Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully aren't mine. Get over it. They're Chris
Carter's, yada, yada, yada. I'll have them back by morning.

Archive: Sure! Anywhere! Just let me know.

Feedback: Yes, please. littlemiss_spookymulder@hotmail.com

A Note: This may suck, but hey, mind you, it only took me 10 minutes
to write. :P

On with the fic...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've never been able to say it.

Oh, I've tried. Many times I've wanted to. I guess it just never came
out when I meant it to.

I wanted to say it when you were taken, after you returned to me and I
sat by your bedside constantly. As I clutched your hand, willing you
to wake up.

I wanted to say it when you lay dying in your hospital bed, the cancer
overtaking you. Sure, I joked with you a little, tried to keep you
happy. Yet, I wanted to say it, in all seriousness.

I was going to say it, that night. You were coming over for dinner. My
perfect plan. A romantic candlelit dinner, a declaration. Maybe even a
kiss?

Turned out to be not so perfect.

That night was nothing I planned it to be. It ended more tragically
then I could have ever imagined.

The phone call. An accident. I raced to the scene to find you lifeless
in a policeman's arms. He held you dearly, stroked your auburn hair as
I ran to him.

I ripped you from him, held you where you were supposed to be. Touched
your hair, streaked with deep red blood. I screamed your name,
caressed your face as your life flowed into my hands, onto my arms, my
expensive Armani suit.

Your eyes were open, like blue ice piercing the sea. You were gone,
and it was all I could do to close them. But not before I memorized
their beauty.

The policeman asked my name. I told him to get away from me. To leave
us in peace. This was our moment.

But what he said stopped me. You had a message for Mulder. For me. You
loved me.

And now there was no way I could say it. There was not another chance
for the words to leave my lips. There never would be.

I stood at your grave today, watched as they lowered you down into the
cold, dark earth. Right next to Missy.

I wanted to say it, my love. It was on the tip of my tongue all this
time, and I'd never been able to say it.

But now I feel I can, for somehow you must hear it. From wherever you
are.

Scully.

I love you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

El Fin

Abigail