Reply To: FatCat926@msn.com

Title:      Feeling Normal
Author:     FatCat (rah1231@yahoo.com)
Rating:     PG13 (some language and implied 
            sex)
Category:   MSR Alternate Universe
Spoilers:   Up to Requiem and then into my world.
Summary:    Mulder's back and confused 
            and finds a drinking buddy to 
            confide in.
Disclaimer: Thanks to CC, FOX, 1013, GA, 
            DD, RP and all those others who 
            actually own the show and produce 
            the wonderful characterizations.    
            They own everything but the ideas 
            squiggling around in my brain and 
            flowing out on the Internet. 
Archive:    Just keep my name with it and let 
            me know where to go visit.  I 
            would be proud to share!

Fox Mulder sat in the darkened room with a really good buzz going.  
It was the first time since his return that he felt normal- as normal
as any guy that was drunk could feel, that is.  He didn't feel like
people were staring at him; if they were it was too dark in here to
care.  He didn't feel strange and slightly shrunken in his own skin.  
He wasn't afraid.  He didn't feel sad and lonely.  He felt damn good.

He had quit drinking some time ago but was still enjoying the glow.  
It only took two drinks to set up this buzz.  He thought about the
fight he and Scully had had that led to this wonderful feeling and he
knew he needed to thank her.  He would, later.  Right now he was just
going to go with the flow.

"Damn a man could get used to feeling normal."  He said aloud.

The guy sitting next to him gave a small grunt of agreement.  Mulder
looked over and smiled at him.

"You know what I mean, Buddy?"  He offered.

His newfound friend sat sucking on his drink and let Mulder do the
talking.  His eyes showed just enough interest to encourage him.

Once again Mulder's thoughts turned to Dana Scully.  Dana.  When had
that name started to mean as much to him as Scully?  Scully was his
partner - he would lay his life on the line for her.  He had gone to
the ends of the earth to save her and it still didn't even up the
score.  She had saved his career, his sanity, most importantly his
worthless hide a time or two.

"Scully's my parner...partner, Partner.  She's the reason I feel so
good right now.  We had a fight and I went out and got lit.  
Obviously the responsible thing to do, huh?  Well, I got my reasons!  
You try being abducted by someone/something and returned months later
with no memories and see how responsible you feel.  Damn!  And then
they tell me that I was dead for a while.  If a guy's going to be
abducted and obviously abused, and left for dead, you'd think he'd at
least get to keep a few memories to prove that it was aliens and not
just some government con. . . constipation, er, conspiracy."

Mulder's new buddy leaned in close to his ear and gave a loud belch,
continuing to stare at him.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.  Aliens.  Go ahead and laugh.  My whole
life has been a joke to everyone.  Spooky Mulder and his crazy pursuit
of the "Truth."  Only Scully believed in me.  That's why I love her,
yah know?  A man has to love a partner that supports him but keeps him
grounded like Scully!"

But, said his traitorous mind, what about Dana?  When had he started
thinking about her as Dana?  Was it while he was gone?  Is that why it
stuck with him now?

His new friend started drinking again.

"I never think of her as Dana when we work.  It's only when it's
personal that I think of her as Dana.  When her father died, I called
her Dana.  When her sister died, I called her Dana.  When she almost
died, I called her Dana.  When I realized I was in love with her, I
didn't just love her, I started calling her Dana-at least in my mind."  
Mulder thought for a while and a silly grin spread over his face.

"If I tried to call her Dana out loud, she'd probably say 'Oh,
Brother!' or maybe even shoot me again.  There was a time I could have
started calling her Dana. We got close, really close to saying the 'L'
word.  Just before my disappearance, we even became intimate.  I
thought it was going to be smooth sailing for us right up to the
alter, but the old Mulder luck held out and I disappeared.  So where
am I, I ask you?  Huh?  How do I fit in?"

" I haven't exactly been on my "A" game since I got back you know.  
There's been changes and they're hard to take sometimes.  When I came
back, there she was when I woke up just like I knew she would be, but
not exactly, new partner, and new man.  I guess it's too much to want
things to stay the same.  Not that I want everything to stay the same.  
I just wish I didn't have to put up with feeling so lost and with
Doggett."

His new Bud grunted questioningly, as if wanting more information on
that last statement.

"Doggett?  Yeah, her new Partner.  That's what Skinner called him.  I
want to hate him, but I just can't seem to.  She trusts him to cover
her back.  That's something.  The guy's even seem to grudgingly accept
him.  What's worse, he and that new chick, Agent Reyes, are the two of
the people that found me.  Dana's been off on leave."

"That's another major surprise.  She has this other man in her life
now.  She's with him night and day.  I just don't know if there's any
time left for me in her life.  I guess that's why I picked the
argument with her tonight.  I wanted to hurt her, make her feel as
disconnected as I do.  The surprising thing is, I can't help but love
this guy like she seems to.  She says I should, he's my son too.

My son!  My God what a surprise!  Scully was sterile!  I have to say
it out loud every once in a while to believe it."

"While I was busy being abducted and tortured, my partner-my partner
who was sterile due to her abduction-was busy looking for me and
gestating my son!  Sounds like something from a Jerry Springer show.  
Unfucking believable!"

"Part of me is too happy for words-and that's saying something.  I got
an Oxford education you know, PHD.  But I'm scared.  With my family
background, what makes her think I could be a good father?  Is love
enough?  What do you think, Buddy?"

Mulder looked directly at his drinking partner and pondered the
question.

A soft steps warned him the lights were going up.

"Mulder?  What are you doing?  Why didn't you wake me to feed him?  
You didn't need to give him a bottle."

Mulder looked at the object of his thoughts and affections and smiled
sheepishly.  "I wanted to do something to apologize for my behavior
earlier.  I knew you were tired.  I didn't hurt him.  I put him in his
chair so I wouldn't drop him and warmed up the bottle of milk in the
fridge just like you showed me."

"I know you wouldn't hurt him, Mulder," she said with a sad smile.  
"Even when you're drinking you're the sweetest soul alive.  Just how
many did you have?  You know you shouldn't mix alcohol with your
meds."  Her concern for him rushed her into Dr. Scully mode.

"I know; I only had two drinks.  I could feel the rush after the first
one and knew the drugs were amplifying it, so I cooled it.  I'm okay."

She stood by the end of the couch watching the two men she loved more
than life itself.  Suddenly tears started to roll down her cheeks.

"Hey, hey!  Come on!  It's okay!"  He said as he held his hand out to
her.

She walked forward and slid her hand into his.  He pulled her gently
onto his lap and she buried her head in the crook of his neck.

"How long have you been standing there?"  He asked.

"Long enough."  She said quietly.  "Is that what you're worried about
Mulder?  That there's no room for you in my life anymore?"

"Yeah."  Was his eloquent reply.

She pulled away and cupped his face with her hands, looking directly
into his eyes.  "Mulder, I love you and I want nothing more than to
have you in my, our, lives.  I just don't want to rush you into any
decision that you'll regret later.  Can you understand that?  I don't
know what you went through while you were gone.  Even though I was
abducted, I obviously did not go through the abuse you suffered.  I
cannot remember anything from my abduction, but I do remember the
confusion I felt about loosing all that time.  It must be even worse
for you to have to absorb everything about the baby and the expanded X
File Department in addition to the time loss.  But I want you to know
this.  I had a whole year and many experiences to shape my feelings.  
I think I can give you a few months to make up your mind about what
you want to do.  I'll accept any part of your life you're willing to
share with us."

"Scull...Dana, I know what I want.  I've known it since before I left
for Oregon.  I want you to be my wife.  The fact that we have a child
is miraculous.  I want to grow old with you.  I want Grandchildren
with you.  I want more babies, pregnancies I can share with you.  I am
awed by him and by your strength.  I don't need more time.  I don't
want to waste one more second of one more day apart from you two.  
Will you two marry me?"  He gave her his best grin and continued.  "I
want you to know this isn't the 'painkiller talking' this time."

"Oh, Mulder!  Yes!  Yes from both of us!"  She placed swift kisses all
over his face finally settling to kiss him sweetly and passionately on
his lips-all the love in her heart shining through her eyes.  Mulder
quickly deepened the kiss and slid his arms around her shifting her up
onto his arousal.

As if on cue, the baby began to fuss and cry.

"Mulder, let me change him and lay him back down and we can continue
this in the bedroom."  She slid off his lap and picked the baby up out
of his seat next to Mulder on the couch.  "Let's go big guy!  Mommy's
got a hot date with Daddy!"

"Uh, Dana, do you think you could call me Fox now that we're going
to...you know...be...uhh...married?"

The wide grin she through over her shoulder was all the answer he
needed.

'Hot Damn!' he thought.  'Who needs normal when you got love?"