SPECIAL NOTE TO THE READERS 
"PLEASE... If you love this story and I know you will, try to take some time 
out and send a little note to the author. This is her first story and she 
had written it while being in and out of the hospital with a serious heart 
condition. Any praise would really cheer her up. Her email address is 
posted at the beginning of the story."  -- Cookie Monster (A Friend!)

TITLE:     AGAIN 
AUTHOR:    COOKIES KEEPER 
E-MAIL:    cookies_keeper@hotmail.com
WRITTEN:   11/21/01 
RATING:    NC-17
SUMMARY:   Scully's diary entries leading up to her 
partner's disappearance.
SPOILERS:  All Things, Duanne Barry, Per Manum, and Requiem.
DISCLAIMER: The X-Files, and ALL characters are property of 
Chris Carter and Fox Broadcasting, 1013 productions. No 
copyright infringement is intended. This story was written 
for the mere personal enjoyment of it and to share with 
friends. 
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: Thank you DD4pres for helping me proofread 
and a personal thank you goes out to two VERY important 
people in my life. The sexy studman himself, The little 
Green Guy, whom I am crazy about, who had gently broken the 
news to me that my spelling sucked, but sweetly agreed to 
help me check it anyway. And to The Cookie Monster, who 
taught me about love. I will forever adore you.
FEEDBACK: Any feedback, please send it to 
cookies_keeper@hotmail.com Please put "Red Shoe" in the 
subject title area. Thank you.


==============================================

Dear Red Shoes, 

Truthfully I don't know where to begin this letter. I am 
not the type of person who finds it easy to talk about the 
pain in my life. Though it was never instilled in us 
growing up, I felt keeping things to myself would be 
necessary for survival. Being the daughter of a Navy 
Captain, a tough sturdy honorable man, but a very busy man, 
you tend to keep your problems to yourself. So, that was my 
childhood. 

After graduating medical school, I went against my father's 
wishes and joined the FBI. I guess you could say that is 
where my life began. I was called into an office where my 
peers informed me of my first assignment, which was to 
debunk the person who would become my partner. It is now 
eight years later and my partner is now my best friend and 
the debunking never happened. Not long ago, I went to him. 

I needed to confide in him and tell him about the horrible 
medical procedure performed on me against my will while I 
was abducted, therefore missing in 1994. These abductors 
and their hideous tests had left me barren. I had pictured 
myself to some day be a mother. I looked forward to it. To 
have someone to call my own, something from me that could 
say Dana Katherine Scully was here and she had done well. 

But now all my dreams and hopes had been taken away from me 
and I had kept this knowledge from the person who mattered 
to me most, my partner. To my surprise, he had kept 
something found while investigating a lead, a tiny vial 
containing my ova. He told me that when he took the vial, 
he had it secretly tested and they proved to be abnormal. 

Even though his testimony was sincere, I decided to have 
them checked out myself and was very excited to her my 
doctor informed me that my ova were one hundred percent 
healthy and all I needed was someone to father the child. I 
was nervous. He was my partner after all. How could I 
possibly ask him? But he was my only choice and there was 
no question in my mind that he was also the right choice. I 
went home that evening and tried to work out in my head the 
best 'Will you father my baby?' speech and after five cups 
of coffee and practically wearing a path in my carpet from 
pacing, I picked up the phone and asked him to come over. 

About an hour later he arrived. I couldn't stand still for 
a second. He was so sweet and patient as he watched me 
stand before him wringing my hands and avoiding all eye 
contact. He then took it upon himself to gently take my 
hand in his. "What is it?" he asked softly, allowing me the 
option of not making eye contact. 

I took a deep breath and exhaled. 'Here it goes,' I thought 
to myself and I then proceeded with my prepared speech. 
With every intensifying sentence, he held my hand tighter, 
comforting me. And when the last of my speech hesitantly 
rolled off my tongue, I heard the most wonderful word I 
will ever hear again. "Yes," he grinned, "I'll do it." 

I felt my heart leap into my throat as he pulled me into 
his arms for a hug. I was so happy. His only stipulation 
was he didn't want this decision to change anything between 
us. He was afraid, as was I and we didn't want this to 
someday tear us apart. We began right away. He was so good 
at keeping his appointments and never once complained about 
being locked into a room with a little cup. He even opted 
to bringing his own personal collection of videotapes. "All 
I need is a place," I remember him saying. 

But all of his honorable efforts, in the end, failed. 
Almost a year had passed and the last of my ova didn't 
take. I must have cried for hours as I drove around the 
city. I couldn't face going home because I knew he would be 
there waiting like always, with such hope in his eyes. But 
I knew I had to do it, so I forced myself to turn the car 
around and headed home, making sure I hit every traffic jam 
available to push the inevitable further away. 

From the moment I walked through the door, he knew. I felt 
his arms circle me, holding me so tight I could feel his 
heart beating against my cheek while I listened to his 
soothing words. He stayed with me that night, holding me in 
his protective arms. Now that I think of it, we held each 
other. I know he needed me just as much as I needed him.

A few months had passed since that day and he continues to 
be there for me. Whether he knew it or not, our 
relationship had changed and changed dramatically. We would 
get off work for the day and he would pick up dinner while 
I went for videos and met me at my place. We would talk for 
hours into the night about personal things, something which 
we never really done before. It was new and I liked it very 
much. Then one day I decided to surprise him. 

I wanted to do something special to let him know how much I 
appreciate the last few months of complete selflessness he 
had given me. I decided to give him something particular 
that had always meant something to me. A tiny little music 
box my father had given me when I was thirteen. I ran home, 
picked up the box, grabbed dinner and went straight to his 
apartment and let myself in. I set up dinner on his so-
called dinner table, which was really just a coffee table. 

As I placed the drinks down, I accidentally knocked over 
one of the glasses that I had just poured so I rushed 
through his bedroom to the bathroom to get a towel and on 
my way back something caught my eye. Something told me not 
to go look, but at the same time, something willed me to 
it. There, on his bed, partially hidden under his pillow 
was a little piece of cloth. My fingers grazed the edge of 
the material as the tears began to stream down my cheeks. I 
seemed to know what it was even before I saw it. I picked 
up the little blue outfit and held it lightly. "Daddy's 
boy," it read in little yellow letters. 

I held it to my face as I cried. I could smell him on the 
delicate fabric. I looked over to where I had found it and 
realized he must have been sleeping with it. All of those 
nights I had called him crying, wishing and wanting as I 
sobbed into his understanding ear, never until now did I 
ever think he was feeling the same pain. "I failed him," I 
whispered, "This was going to be OUR baby. I'm sorry."

"You didn't fail me," a voice answered and a warm loving 
hand touched my shoulder. When I couldn't turn to face him, 
he tenderly pulled me around to him. 

My arms quickly tied themselves around his waist and the 
tears streamed down my face as my body cried out in the 
most horrible pain I could imagine. Then, without warning, 
his warm lips covered mine. 

My body clung to him, welcoming him completely as the sweet 
taste of his tongue parted my lips. My body melted into him 
as he slowly pulled away to look into my eyes and dry my 
tears. 

"You could never fail me," he said, as his eyes began to 
tear. He smiled briefly and looked down at his hands 
holding mine. His lips quivered slightly as they tried to 
speak, "I. I," he paused, squeezing my hand, "I love you."

My body didn't wait to second-guess him. I stretched my 
hands up along his face and pulled him to my lips, where I 
poured every passionate thought, every desire I ever had 
for him into that kiss. I felt the warmth of his hands 
beginning to caress my back, pushing away any doubt of the 
previous question I had of the true definition of his last 
words. The touch of his hands was smooth and warm and 
comforting. We began to sway slowly back and fourth in a 
little dance, allowing our bodies to explore and fit to one 
another. My fingers ran through his hair. Something they 
had always wanted to do. 

His tongue, little by little, curled around mine, 
beckoning, wanting savor this moment forever as a low moan 
escaped him. I pulled back momentarily and brushed my lips 
against his and tasted his lips, then gently pulled his 
tongue into my mouth, taking pleasure in its wonderful 
essence as I sucked on it, causing another moan from deep 
with in him. His hands pulled at the back of my blouse 
until it was free and allowed his hands to touch the 
velvety skin of my back. 

One hand gradually began to slide down to my bottom, where 
he gently squeezed and pulled me to him as he rocked his 
hips against mine. The erotic ache in my body became almost 
unbearable. I could feel the hardness of him against my 
lower belly. I wanted him so badly. He stirred his fingers 
to the bottom edge of my blouse and began to lift it over 
my head. When he had it even with my breasts, he cupped 
them over my bra and ran his thumbs over my nipples making 
them hard. His eyes gazed down at them, then back up into 
my eyes as he freed me from the confines of my blouse and 
returned his lips to mine. His hands returned themselves to 
my back as he kneaded his large fingers into my flesh. 

His powerful hands rushed my body and in one quick movement 
he lowered himself slightly and hoisted me up and wrapped 
my legs around his waist. His hard erection, now between my 
legs, sent a hot flood through every inch of my body. I 
began to move my hips against his as he held me to him, 
taking every kiss he had to offer. I heard this soft cry 
coming from me as I started to feel my own desire for him 
burn between my legs. 

I began to tug at his shirt. I wanted it off. I wanted to 
feel his warm skin against my chest. So many lonely nights 
I had dreamt of this moment, the feel of his skin against 
mine, the taste of a passion filled kiss, to hear the 
tender words 'I love you.'

And seeing the wanting look in his eyes, while knowing it 
was all for me. 'Mmmmm,' he felt so good. His hand growing 
impatient began to slip down over my bottom, then down 
between my legs. I could feel his fingers pressing the damp 
material of my pants as he carried me backward to his bed 
and gently laid me down on my back. 

He then balanced himself over me and gave me sweet kisses 
as he permitted one of his hands to roam my body and down 
to the button of my pants, where he twisted the small 
button in his fingers until it gave way and eased the 
zipper down. His hand shook slightly as replaced the palm 
of his hand on the freshly exposed skin under my belly 
button, quietly lifting the lacy white waistband of my 
panties with the tips of his fingers. His lips were on 
fire. So hot to the touch. 

His tongue licked me, teased me, and played this wonderful 
game with me. The anticipation of him being inside me was 
maddening. The lower he moved his fingers, the more I cried 
out. He was enjoying the effect he was having on me. He 
reached deep between my legs, cupping me as he slowly 
stroked the small patch of hair, squeezing it slightly. He 
then, without warning, slid his finger between my lips and 
began to caress the tiny slick nub. 

"Mmmm. You're wet," he grinned. 

All I could do was smile as I gazed into his seductive 
sleepy eyes before his lips covered mine once again. As I 
moved my hips to the rhythm of his fingers, I let mine 
trail down his body, feeling the warmth of his abdomen 
under my fingertips. I couldn't wait any longer. I had to 
see him. I needed to touch him. His jeans were old and 
worn, made easy to open his button fly. With each 
unfastening of a button, I let my fingers glide along the 
fabric covering his hard shaft. 

'My fingers are deceiving me,' was my first thought, but as 
I reached into his shorts, taking him in hand, my eyes 
broke free from his and slowly played down his beautiful 
body. My hands hadn't lied to me. He was quite endowed. I 
couldn't tear my eyes away from it. It felt so good in my 
hand as I caressed it. The need to taste it, let my tongue 
roll over it as I sucked it, then to feel it deep inside me 
was overwhelming. 

"You like it?" he whispered in my ear. 

"Yes," I answered. I stirred my fingers between my legs, 
getting them slick and wet, then returned them to his hard 
cock and slowly licked my lips to emphasize my point to 
him. I watched him tilt his head back and moan as he slowly 
thrust his hips into my hand. I knew he was pleased. His 
hand quickly cupped my breast and in one swift instant, his 
mouth covered my nipple, where he sucked savagely on it. He 
kneaded it with his enthusiastic fingers and flicked it 
with his velvety wet tongue. 

The heat combined with the torturous suction of his lips 
had me on the edge of crying out. 'I could cum right now,' 
I thought. 

He hurriedly moved over my body. Hands searching every 
inch, tongue racing along every pleasing curve, calling out 
every erotic action my body possessed. My cries excited 
him. The further down my body he kissed, the more I cried 
out. His hands began to yank my pants off, desperately 
trying to pull them off my hips. He quickly climbed to his 
feet and stood before me and reached for them, pulling both 
pants and panties off me completely. There was nothing slow 
about it. His urgency was painful, but without the pain. 

The sensation of his tongue penetrating me sent an 
explosion that racked my body. It was so deliberate, so 
melting, I couldn't think anymore. All I could do was just 
hold on. He knew just what it was he wanted to do to my 
body as if he had a mapped out plan of attack. His arms 
wrapped themselves around my thighs, holding them apart as 
his fingers held me open to him. 

His tongue darted inside me so deeply, moving in the most 
wonderful breathtaking circular motion as his thumb, wet 
from his touch caressed the small bundle of nerves of my 
clit in synchronization with each thrust of his tongue. 
Just when I thought he was going to stop, he changed his 
line of attack and took my clit into his mouth, brushed his 
lips across it, teased it with his tongue as he slid two 
fingers deep inside me. My fingers rushed through his hair, 
holding him to my body wanting more. Slow, then fast. Slow, 
then fast. 

This dance was causing my body to break down and give in. I 
tried to pull away, but his grip on my trembling thighs 
tightened. It was the most pleasurable torture. He had 
complete control over me and I handed him the reins. I 
decided I would have my own plan of attack. I needed so 
badly to see his body. To feel it. I began to inch my leg 
down along side his body to the rim of his jeans, then 
under him, between his legs. I moved my foot along the hard 
shaft of his cock, teasing it the only way I could. 

He began to moan, sending a tantalizing vibration to his 
lips, lips that so happened to be occupied. With every 
moan, he sent another and another mind-blowing jolt 
throughout my body, but I was bound and determined not to 
give in. I wanted him inside me, so if this was the only 
way to get his lips back on mine and his cock buried deep 
inside me, then so be it. 

I pushed his cock up against his body and began to stroke 
the underside of it. I could feel his hips moving to it. A 
moan and another moan from him. A cry and yet another cry 
escaped me. This game of will had to stop. I was going to 
lose. I told myself to concentrate on getting his pants 
down and with my fingers still clinging to his hair, I 
managed to slide my toes down the back of them and slowly 
eased them over his hips and down to his mid-thighs. 'This 
was my chance,' I told myself. 

I let my legs glide across his body, sliding them all along 
his torso, then down to the nicest ass I'd ever seen. I 
knew he couldn't wait much longer and was only doing this 
because he was intent on making this a night I would 
remember, but he too was on the edge and he needed me just 
as much as I did him. I slowly lowered my foot down his 
body to his hips that gratefully raised high enough to let 
me in. 

My fingernails ran along his cool hair and his warm scalp, 
sending shivers through him making his mouth slow its pace 
to almost a complete stop as he leaned his head more and 
more against my hand. The heat from his groin was 
tremendous. He was so hard, so hot. 

He began to once again move his hips to me. With every 
lengthy stroke I tried to move my foot lower on his body. 
My hands now cupping his sweet face in my hands as his 
beautiful eyes stared into mine. 

"I want you," he whispered kissing my belly. 

"I have always been yours," I answered him as I traced his 
lips with my finger. 

My eyes began to tear. I couldn't help it. Looking into his 
eyes like that changed my soul. He was about to know 
everything about me and I was so happy to let him in, so 
happy to let him share my soul. I lowered my fingers to his 
chin and lifted it slightly then gently pulled his lips up 
to meet mine. My tears burned down my cheeks and with every 
one, he kissed them away as his strong hands held my face, 
tangling his fingers in my hair. 

He gently rested his weight on top of me and I felt his 
legs spread my thighs. I was hurting inside from this 
tremendous void that only he could fill. He gently moved 
his hips to fit mine and pressed the head of his cock 
against the throbbing ache of my body that cried out for 
him. Slowly he broke free from my kiss and stared into my 
eyes, almost to prepare me for what was about to happen. He 
was well aware of his size and wanted to make sure he took 
it slow and easy as he began to push the head inside me. 

The size and the feel of it took my breath away, but I 
loved every feeling it gave to me because it was him. I 
leaned up and kissed his lips as he pushed himself a little 
deeper. With each movement forward he back thrusted, 
coating his cock and making it even wetter for the next 
thrust, until he was fully inside me. 

My Breath shook inside my lungs and my fingers tightened 
their grip. He took my breath away as he held himself there 
deep inside me, almost as if afraid to move. His hands held 
my face, eyes staring into mine, waiting for an unspoken 
approval and was rewarded with a welcomed smile and a 
savoring kiss. His lips were so full. 

From the moment I first walked into the office seven years 
ago, seeing him turn in his chair to get a look at his new 
partner, I could barely introduce myself to him. My eyes 
were stuck on those lips. 

And now as I pulled his lower lip into my mouth, my body 
began to relax and allow him to give himself to me, just 
like I always wished he would. His hips moved slowly and 
gently, feeling and searching out the unfamiliar territory 
of my body in long gratifying strokes. I could feel the rim 
around the head of his cock sliding inside me followed by 
the girth of the shaft gently pushing and pulling at the 
delicate walls. 

"Mmmm," he moaned. "You're so hot inside." 

With each stroke he pushed himself deeper and deeper. He 
held my legs wide with his. I let my hands and fingers 
explore him and extracted yet another groan as I traced his 
back with my fingers then allowed them to find their way 
down to the firmness of his ass, where I cupped my hands 
over each side, biting my nails into his flesh, pulling him 
to me, exciting him further and feeling his stride 
increase. 

The base of his cock pressed hard against my clit with each 
of his forceful thrusts, sending tiny explosions jolting 
through my legs. Oh how I wanted him. I wanted to ride him. 
I wanted to rub my clit along that sweet patch of hair as I 
squeezed his dick. 

"Let me have you." I whispered, freeing my lips from his. 

Quickly his tongue entered my mouth again as his arms and 
hands rushed to position themselves under me, holding me 
tightly to his body as he rolled himself over onto his 
back, taking me with him. I kissed him long and hard, then 
trailed my kisses down to his neck and chest where I tasted 
his nipples, biting them ever so gently as my hair tickled 
across his flesh. As I leaned over him, taking all of his 
gifts, I held the most important one inside me. I slowly 
sat up and inched my way down the muscle, taking it into me 
as far as I could in small circular rotations. 

His hands gripped my hips and guided them to meet each of 
his thrusts. I ran my hands down each side of his ribcage 
and braced them against his heaving chest for leverage as I 
shoved back hard onto his dick, squeezing it as I cried out 
wanting more. Suddenly his hungry lips were on mine, 
pulling at them as his hands reached around to my bottom. I 
circled my legs around his waist and arched my back to him 
for better access to my breasts and willed his tongue to 
entice them. 

He pulled my nipple hard into his mouth and cupped it with 
his hand. His fingers were magic on my body. It felt like 
my skin just melted right over them. It felt as though he 
was taking my body apart piece by piece, healing it, then 
putting it back together. I felt alive for the first time 
in a very long time. 

It was then I allowed myself to speak the words I had 
dreamed of for so long as I took his sweet face into my 
hands, kissed his lips and whispered "I love you." 

At that moment all time ceased. He slowly tore his lips 
away from me and gazed into my eyes as his fingers smoothed 
back the hair from my face. 

"Say it again," he whispered. I smiled into his shining 
eyes as I leaned to him and lightly kissed his lips. 

"I love you." 

"Again," he asked. 

"I love you," I repeated and kissed his cheek and next his 
forehead. With each "I love you" came another kiss until I 
had kissed every inch of his beautiful face. 

Before I knew what was happening he had his lips on mine 
and wrapped his arms around my waist, as he lifted me 
backward and placed me onto my back gently, with my head 
rested on some spare blankets that lay at the foot of his 
bed on an old cedar chest. His strokes were wild and filled 
with passion. Every inch of my body craved him. His hands 
ran up my body, searching for mine and held them. He buried 
himself so deeply inside me, causing me to continuously try 
to widen my legs further to accept him. 

His lips roamed from my lips to the side of my neck where 
he lightly nibbled and sucked at the delicate flesh until I 
began to cry out louder and then he covered my lips again, 
taking my cries into himself and let them mix with his own. 
My hands caressed his back and down to his upper thighs. 

They were taut. All of his muscles, feeling this 
pleasurable burn as he drove faster and harder into my clit 
and making my body tremble. Every time my legs widened, 
even if it was only a fraction of an inch, his followed 
them. I began to lose control. With every lift of my hips 
to his a growing spark of electricity began to send a 
tingle through out my body. My cries intensified as he 
stared down into my eyes and sneaked in little butterfly 
kisses. My hands quickly raced to his face and tangled 
themselves in his hair and pulled him to me. 

My tongue entered his mouth for one last dance as I then 
broke free and breathlessly cried out, "MAKE ME CUM!" 

Without delay, he hurriedly took his weight off me, bent 
just enough to lick my nipple and suck it into his mouth 
before propping himself up on his hands beside my ribcage, 
where he began to pound relentlessly into me as he tucked 
in his head in effort to control his own climax until he 
made sure I was on the path to ecstasy. 

With one sharp intake of breath, one exhilarating thrust, 
and two pounding heartbeats, my body in one breathtaking 
instant shattered, taking him with me on this wild ride. 

All the pain, all the tears, all the love, came down to 
this moment of joining souls, weaving themselves together 
in this wonderful unbreakable bond as his essence mixed 
with mine, melting us together forever. 

His exhausted body collapsed onto mine and held onto me as 
he tucked his head into the crook of my neck. The feeling 
of the light stubble on his face slide along my cheek, sent 
shivers down my body. 

"Can I stay here for a while?" he asked looking into my 
eyes while still inside me, rolling his hips to mine. His 
answer came in the form of a kiss as I leaned slightly up 
to his lips and covered them with my own. 

We made love three times that night and all three were as 
incredible as the first. Neither of us wanting to let go of 
the other. So we didn't. Instead we fell asleep in each 
other's arms, some of the pain we had felt was now replaced 
with contentment, hope and love. And all I wanted to do was 
hold him.

xxxxxxxx

I had awoke early that morning to find him gone with a note 
on his pillow explaining he had to go to a meeting with an 
informant and would meet me at the office. I have to admit, 
I was a little worried about how things would play out in 
the future. In our future. 

The thought, "Would he want to continue this new aspect of 
our relationship?" played in my mind, but I tried to keep 
it in the back of my mind. 

We were working on a tough case and like all cases it 
required all of our undivided attention. I am thankful that 
I was the first to arrive to work and was buried deep in 
paperwork by the time he strolled in with two bagels and a 
large packet of blueberry cream cheese and two cups of 
coffee tucked in his arm. A small wave of sadness was felt 
as I watched him come in, hand me the bagel and coffee, 
then go straight to work without any hint of 
acknowledgement of the night before.

I really don't know what I expected, but this was not part 
of it. "Got your bags packed Scully?" he asked, "We got a 
lead." he beamingly announced. 

"Where are we going?" 

"California. We leave in two hours." He said as he shoved 
his paperwork into his briefcase with the most typical non-
caring way while grinning from ear to ear awaiting my 
reaction. 

"Okay, I bite. What is it?" 

"Think an American suburban werewolf in LA," he mussed as 
he gestured for me to take the lead in leaving the office 
to the elevator. 

"Must be tour day," he commented, wedging his way through 
the crowded elevator and making a space for me in front of 
him. 

'Why not? This is probably the last time I will ever be 
this close to him again,' I thought to myself as I weaved 
my way into the elevator full of screaming ten-year-olds, 
mostly boys and their exhausted teacher. The poor elderly 
teacher was desperately trying to control one of her unruly 
students after he managed to push every button on the 
elevator control panel. 

It wouldn't have normally mattered if we were on our way 
out of the building, but this was not the case this 
morning. We had to get our authorization from our Assistant 
Director for the trip, which happened to be on the 12th 
floor. My partner on the other hand, found the little boy's 
antics amusing. I could almost feel his smile as he stood 
behind me. I could picture my partner as a ten-year-old, 
full of trouble and waiting to cause it. 

The first night in Los Angeles was a night I would be happy 
to soon to forget. Not only were the perpetrators more than 
a tad on the zany side, that took us on goose chase after 
goose chase, but on top of it all we were involved in some 
sort of documentary and were followed by this annoying 
camera crew all night. 

And what made matters worse, still no acknowledgement other 
then a professional one from my partner. By the time 
morning came all I wanted was a hot shower and a bed. I was 
so frustrated with my partner and tired that I didn't even 
speak to him on the ride to the lodging and once we 
arrived, I went into my room without saying a word. 

Once in my room, I dropped my belongings on the bed and 
headed straight for the tub. The water was hot and felt so 
good to my aching muscles that I started to relax almost 
immediately. All but my mind, which was twisting and 
turning in the sheets of the night before. I needed him so 
badly to let me know it was all okay. 

I needed to hear him tell me he still wanted me. As my mind 
began to cloud over with the heavy weight of sleep pushing 
down on me I began to hear the sound of rain falling and 
soon realized it wasn't rain, but the soft spray of the 
shower on the other side of the adjoining wall that 
separated his room from mine. It seemed the longer I 
listened the angrier I got and my blood was beginning to 
boil. 

'How could he be so thoughtless? How can he treat me as if 
nothing happened? What in the HELL happened?' my mind 
screamed. I couldn't take it anymore. 

The anger growing inside me was maddening. Before I knew 
it, I was opening his bathroom door blaring accusations at 
the frozen man behind the smoky transparent shower curtain. 

"How can you just walk away from me after what we shared 
the other night? I opened up to you and told you that I 
love you! I have always loved you! But you can't even look 
me in the eye!" 

The more I talked, the more he paced behind the protective 
plastic shield. "Was it all a lie?" 

Before I could prepare myself from my last outburst, the 
shower curtain was ripped open revealing a very angry man 
with tearing eyes. He moved very quickly. So quick, my mind 
didn't have time to react to his hands rushing my body. 

"You really believe that I don't love you?" he asked as his 
hands tugged harshly to open my robe. He pushed himself 
against my body, taking me in his angry arms and trapping 
me between himself and the sink behind me. 

"DO YOU SCULLY?" he screamed as his tears began to slide 
down his cheek. He lifted me up and placed my bottom on the 
edge of the sink and was inside me in seconds. His thrusts 
were hard and deliberate as well as the forcefulness of his 
kiss. His hands held my hips in place as his hips moved in 
almost a brutal fashion as he pushed himself high and 
deeply into me. He buried his head into my neck as his sobs 
grew. 

'I should have let myself calm down before confronting 
him,' I thought as I slowly took his face in my hands and 
gently kissed his lips. Almost instantly he began to loosen 
his iron grip on me, and his rough thrusts became gentle 
and guiding. 

His lips slowly ran along my neck until they found their 
home as he parted my lips with his tongue. His kiss was 
sweet and loving and matched the statement in his face as 
he pulled his lips from mine to look into my eyes. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I never meant to hurt you. When 
I came into the office yesterday morning I saw you quickly 
bury your head in the file you were working on and I 
thought maybe you were thinking you had made a mistake with 
me. Then when you didn't say anything, I assumed my initial 
thoughts were correct. Even the bubble-gum pink crack 
didn't make you smile," he grinned slightly. "I decided 
then to leave you alone. But know this, you are all I have 
been thinking about." 

All I could do was smile at him. The kindness in his soul 
has reached me once again. "I'm sorry I doubted you," I 
answered as I gently kissed his lips. "It won't happen 
again." 

With that, his lips devoured me. His hands slid under my 
bottom as he picked me up and carried me to his bed where 
he proceeded to make love to me. Hell, let's face it, he 
fucked me silly that night. But it was wonderful. It was 
wonderful to be back in his arms again. 

Late that evening, I woke to find him sleeping beside me. 
His head, on the pillow close to my shoulder and his hand 
rested gently on my lower belly. I decided to take this 
moment to watch him sleep. Sure I had seen him sleeping 
before, but it was usually in a hospital where he was 
recovering from some unfortunate accident while working on 
a case. But it was different this time. This time he was my 
lover. 

Looking at him now in this new light was very pleasing not 
only to my heart, but my eyes as well. His nude body looked 
as though Michelangelo personally carved him out of marble. 
Every part of him was breathtaking. With every inch my eyes 
covered, the more I was in awe. I traced every line, every 
shadow of his leg that wrapped its self around mine out of 
security. Every muscle in his thigh and hip. The soft 
delicate skin of his penis, as it rested against my hip. 
The peaceful movement of his abdomen, as he breathed. His 
powerful arm and hand that held me so sweetly. The soft 
patch of hair on his chest. His sweet tasting lips. His 
stunning long eyelashes. I have always had a thing for guys 
with long eyelashes. 

'He is absolutely beautiful.' I thought to myself as I 
kissed him and pushed my body onto his as he rolled onto 
his back. 

His sleepy kiss was rewarding, and always willing to give 
me more. As my body lay on top of his, his hands embraced 
me, guiding themselves along my bare back and down over my 
bottom, where he reached over and slid his fingers into the 
growing wetness between my legs, then cupped them over my 
flesh as he held my hips firmly to his. I widened my legs 
and slowly began to move my body. I could feel his hardness 
play as he arched his hips, allowing just the head to enter 
my body. It was driving me wild. 

Each time the head of his cock penetrated me, I moaned in 
release to the building ache he was causing deep within me. 
He was making me so wet that I could feel it against my 
inner thigh. 

His breath was coming out in little pants, convincing me 
that he too was enjoying this wonderful tease. I decided to 
play this game and make him come for what he wanted. 

"Do you want me?" I whispered as I brushed my lips against 
his. 

"I do." 

"Then take me," I ordered, tugging lightly on his lower lip 
as I climbed off him and backed my way up against the far 
wall. His movements were almost cat-like as his sleek body 
approached me. His hands held me at the waist as he bent 
and trailed his slick tongue between my breasts and down to 
my bellybutton, circling it with his tongue, then edged his 
way lower still and nestled his face between my legs for a 
slow deep lingering kiss. 

His hands reached to my breasts and squeezed them tenderly 
while he worked his way back to me. His soft lips opened 
and covered my nipple, sucking my breast into his hot mouth 
as his hands now searched their way around to the back of 
my thighs in a rush as he quickly lifted me and placed my 
back high against the wall. 

I savagely pulled his lips to mine as he set me down on his 
rigid cock that felt so good and so hard that I entertained 
the thought that he could possibly hold me against the wall 
with his dick alone. His thrusts were strong and direct, 
while his hands stretched under my thighs, lifting and 
lowering me to him as my legs held tightly to his waist. 

The sensations of his muscles throughout his body, flexing 
as he impaled himself inside me and against my clit in 
fantastic, shivering waves began to cause my legs to shake 
violently. My cries grew louder and blended equally with 
his, as I held on for dear life. Our lips acting in panic, 
desperately drawing out each other's passion. Then he had 
me. My fingers dug into his back. My head threw back and 
all the muscles in my body tightened in one gigantic 
detonation. The mere sound of his cry sent me to the gates 
of heaven as my body reacted to his climax, gripping his 
cock, sucking it, holding it deep inside me until he gave 
me all he had. Then we just stood there, marveling at the 
experience with heart-pounding gasps escaping our lungs. 

The next few months were truly wonderful. We were 
completely there for each other, not just as partners, but 
as lovers. It was perfect, well, all but one aspect anyway. 
There was still this need for our separate lives. I admit 
that I too was in agreement of this situation. The 
intention was to hide this relationship from our peers. If 
word was to get out that we were sleeping together it could 
prove to be hazardous in our working environment. 

The FBI didn't look too kindly on their agents fraternizing 
in the workplace and his search for the truth took 
priority. And I had always been willing to put my needs 
aside in aiding him. 

But as the days went by, I missed having him in my bed 
every night and I began to question myself. 'Where were we 
going with this? What did I truly want? Why was my life 
suddenly getting out of hand?' It was all becoming a blur. 

I had always loved spending every minute with him that I 
could. There would be no one else in the world who could 
knock on my door at 2 a.m. filled with excitement, grinning 
from ear to ear with two plane tickets in hand to some hole 
in the ground U.S.A. where the latest little green men were 
last spotted and expect me to go with him without a second 
thought and I always did. But lately I had found the need 
to distance myself a little from the situation. I need time 
to think and I needed to take a stand, but how? 

He arrived to the office with lunch and characteristically 
over exuberant as he insisted on showing me slide after 
slide of photographs of crop circles that have been 
appearing mysteriously in England. And more than excited to 
have me tag along. I couldn't though. I just wasn't 
interested in another chase at the moment. This was the 
time I had to take my stand. 

I then proceeded to inform him I would not be going with 
him to England. I could tell he was annoyed, then after a 
few mumblings he decided to gracefully walk out of the 
office rather then starting an argument, which I think we 
both appreciated. I didn't want him to go alone. I didn't 
want to hurt him, but I saw this brief separation as an 
opportunity to clear my head. I felt I owed him that much, 
even though he may not see it that way at the moment. 
Little did I know that the next few days' events would 
change my life forever. Some would simply pass it off as 
coincidence, and that is exactly what I tried to do, but it 
no matter how much I tried to push those thoughts aside, it 
kept jumping right back in my face. 

It all started later that very same day. I had to pick up 
some autopsy results for a case that would be waiting for 
me at a local hospital. The nurse on duty had mistakenly 
given me the wrong folder. Normally this wouldn't have been 
an issue, but this time, something beckoned me to look at 
the name on the top of the x-rays. A cold chill ran down my 
spine as I recognized the name that was addressed to the 
file. 'Daniel,' I thought to myself. 

For a moment, I was frozen in time while I tried to gather 
my thoughts. 'This had to be a mistake,' I thought to 
myself. 

I turned to the nurse and asked her to check the folder and 
hesitated briefly before inquiring about the name of the 
patient involved in the mix up of folders. She smiled and 
happily told me which room he was admitted in the coronary 
unit. 'Should I go?' I asked myself. It has been so long 
since I saw him last. Maybe I will just look in for a 
second.' I reasoned. 

I exchanged folders with the nurse and turned in the 
direction of Daniel's room. My legs were somewhat shaky as 
I neared the room. Just as I neared the doorway his doctor 
approached me as he was leaving and briefed me to Daniel's 
condition. I tried to sum up the courage to enter the room, 
but in the end felt it best that I didn't and decided to 
leave the hospital.

I had barely time to step inside my apartment when my 
telephone rang. It was Daniel's daughter, informing me that 
her father had awoken and was told that I had come to see 
him and he was now asking for me. Her tone was 
understandably cold. I had never intended to hurt her or 
her family and I don't expect her forgiveness and I offer 
no excuses. 

I had wished it to all remain in my past, because it was 
just that -- my past. After I ended the phone call with 
Daniel's daughter I debated whether or not to go when my 
phone rang again, this time it was my partner asking me to 
run an errand to a location near the hospital to pick up a 
folder on crop circle information. Hesitantly I accepted 
both offers. 

The hospital was the first of my stops. I guess I felt 
somewhat guilty and thought maybe if I went it would change 
something. Change what, I don't know. I was nervous. I 
hadn't communicated with this man in years. I began to 
question my motives and myself. 

'What am I going to do when I get there,' I thought. 'What 
am I going to say?' I was a mess, and the closer I came to 
his doorway, the more I felt like panicking inside. It was 
bad enough that my mind went blank long enough for me to 
accidentally walk into the wrong room and now I was about 
to enter his room. 

I don't know what I had expected, but it never occurred to 
me that he too, just like the room I had intruded on 
moments before, would have his own company. I guess I was 
hoping he would be alone. His daughter was there and from 
the moment I saw her, the guilt of my past flooded my 
belly. 

'I shouldn't be here,' I thought as I looked at his weak 
smiling face as he greeted me as he lay in the hospital bed 
then into his daughter's eyes. I was in a daze. Before I 
knew it my mind had gone blank and the next thing I recall, 
I was in my car driving down the street. 'Just let me get 
home. How in the hell can he put the responsibility of his 
marriage breaking up on my shoulders?' My mind raced as I 
reasoned with myself, 'I left Daniel and started a new life 
of my own, ON MY OWN, to prevent that from happening!'

As my mind rolled my feelings around in my head, my cell 
phone rang. It was my partner once again inquiring about 
his documents. Everything was a mumble in my head. All 
concentration had gone out the window, leaving me with 
confusion and self-doubt, filling my mind with a blaring 
buzz so strong that I didn't notice the woman to my right, 
beginning to cross the street in front of me. 

I slammed on the brakes, nearly missing the woman and 
almost plowed into a truck. The woman however, didn't even 
flinch to the sudden scream of my brakes, just continued on 
her way and only when she reached the opposite side of the 
street did she look back to me and smiled peacefully.

45 minutes had passed, it was now dark in D.C. as I walked 
up a pathway leading to a house. I was surprised to see 
that the same woman who answered the door was one of the 
visitors in the room I had unintentionally walked into 
earlier at the hospital. She had recognized me immediately. 
I informed her as to who I was and why I was now at her 
doorstep and then apologized for my behavior, by explaining 
to her that I was a little shaken due to a near car 
accident. 

Her reply was simple and annoying. "Slow down." 

'Yeah, right... Slow down. Like I haven't thought of that 
before. I mean, who does she think she is anyway? She 
doesn't know me.'

Moments after the pleasant meeting on my partner's 
contact's front porch, my cell phone rang once again 
informing me that Daniel's heart condition had worsened. 
The entire drive to the hospital, I couldn't get that 
woman's voice out of my head. 'Annoying!'

To my surprise, at the moment and with some advice on 
treatment Daniel's health was stable. Mine on the other 
hand, felt as if it was anything but. Especially after he 
professes to me that he had indeed left his wife and has 
lived in the D.C area for the last ten years all because of 
me. 

I broke down and my emotions overcame me as I lay my head 
down on his chest and cried. Suddenly and without warning 
Daniel goes into cardiac arrest. I did all I could do. I 
did all I knew to do, and now he lay there in a coma. 

I left the hospital and drove. Not knowing where I was 
going I just kept moving. I realized I was being drawn back 
to that annoying woman's house. 'Maybe she wasn't 
annoying,' I thought, 'Maybe she was right. Maybe she did 
know something.'

Reluctantly I rang the doorbell to Colleen's house and left 
a few hours later feeling a combination of sadness and 
confusion. She had intriguing insights as to why Daniel was 
in his current condition and seemed to look beyond my 
physical self in suggesting that I may be open to things 
more than I had thought. Her comments had knocked me off my 
senses as I walked along the streets of the city. 

I didn't know where to turn and I didn't know where to go, 
so I just kept walking. A familiar stranger caught my eye 
and broke me free of my thoughts. It was the woman from 
before. The same woman who crossed my path the day before. 
I felt the need to talk with her. What about, I didn't 
really know at the moment. It was just an overwhelming need 
to maybe introduce myself and maybe subconsciously find out 
why she seemed to appear when I was at my saddest. It was 
strange. Almost as if in a dream. 

It seemed the faster I walked, I still couldn't quite catch 
up with her. I followed her down the street and around a 
corner and into a small building. Once inside I realized it 
was a Buddhist temple and the woman was nowhere to be seen. 
I began to feel dizzy and somewhat disoriented and 
inevitably dropped to my knees at the foot of the beautiful 
Buddha statue. 

My head became clouded and fantastical flashes highlighted 
in powerful shades of yellows began to flash before me with 
almost strobe like blazes of white surrounding a story of 
my life that flashed before my eyes, ending with Daniel on 
his deathbed. Just as quickly as it came it disappeared and 
I was left there, sitting on the temple floor alone. 

All of my thoughts were centered on getting back to Daniel. 
I decided to go see Colleen first, with hopes of some sort 
of analysis of what happened in the temple and forced 
myself into opening myself up to the other possibilities 
she spoke of earlier on the subject of self spiritual 
healing. Daniel was dying. 

There was nothing any medical doctor could do to help him. 
When Colleen suggested a spiritual healing, I admit I 
thought it unnecessary and silly, but in the end I knew 
there couldn't be any harm in it and the feeling in my 
belly told me I was doing the right thing. It was time to 
turn to God now and I felt it. 

The holistic healing ritual, to the hospital staff was a 
farce, but no one can ever tell me it didn't have its 
purpose in Daniel's recovery. It was a long night and we 
almost lost him twice, but amazingly, in the early morning, 
Daniel's heart rate began to climb and his vitals were 
stabilizing. 'God was with you,' I thought as I sat at his 
bedside and looked down at him. Not even his wise cracks 
about the healing ceremony could change that. 

"You should be more open to other possibilities" I told 
him, but he changed the subject, to suggesting how he 
thought we should spend our lives together. 

It was then, at that exact moment, that I knew what I 
wanted. Why did it take me so long to figure it out? Before 
Daniel had the chance to finish, I cut him off. I told him 
it was time that he take the responsibility of the pain he 
caused his family. He had run away and had never faced up 
to it or to them. That is his destiny, not mine. 

"I am not the same person," I said to him, "I wouldn't have 
known that if I hadn't seen you again." 

After leaving Daniel's room, I felt renewed as I entered 
the hospital's courtyard. It felt like I breathed in new 
air into my lungs as I sat and listened to the birds 
singing and watched the people passing by. Out of the 
corner of my eye I noticed the mysterious woman once again. 
It excited me. I hurriedly got to my feet and rushed over 
to her and placed my hand on the back of her jacket and was 
startled to find that it was not the woman I had been 
chasing for days, but my partner. Maybe it was coincidence 
that I had been trying to catch up with this person but in 
the end had to slow down to find it, and it, was my future.

Later that night I accompanied my partner to his apartment, 
where we pondered the thought of whether choices made in 
life were pre-planned by a higher force or randomly played 
out. I am sure the discussion would have been more 
interesting if I could hold my eyes open, but before I knew 
it, exhaustion overcame me and a gentle peace filled my 
mind and body as I fell asleep next to him on the old couch 
in his living room. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I had awakened early the next morning. The erotic scent of 
him filled me, warmed me as I watched him sleeping soundly 
next to me in his bed. I watched how the colors of the 
morning sunlight shined through the window behind me and 
played across his face. 

His long eyelashes twitched, as his hazel eyes danced in 
dreamland. 'I hope it's a good one sweetie,' I thought as I 
gently ran my fingers through his hair, careful not to stir 
him. 

It was now 7:30 and I thought I'd better get up and dressed 
if I planned on meeting my mother for breakfast, and after 
the energy spent last night, I could probably eat a horse. 
When I eased my way out of his bed I couldn't help but 
smile to myself as I looked over the condition the bed was 
in. It looked as though World War III had hit it. 

I knew I should have brought some fresh clothing, I thought 
as I stood dressing in his bathroom. Well at least I didn't 
sleep in them. Lord knows there was no chance in that since 
he had them all off in less than five seconds, though the 
panty ripping I could have done without. What is it with 
him? I must have lost a dozen to The Penetrator, a name he 
deemed himself after a healthy night of making love the 
month before, only to learn later it was the title to one 
of his porn tapes. 

That was a great night, but last night beat all. He really 
rocked my world. I never dreamed that my body could react 
so intensely to another. I have to hand it to him though, I 
thought as I picked up my things and stood in his doorway 
and looked back on him sleeping. He definitely knows what 
he is doing.

"You look different this morning Dana," came the comment 
from my mother, as she sipped her coffee. 
"Different? Different how?" 

"I don't know," she replied, studying me more carefully. 
Something looks different, but I can't put my finger on 
it." 

"Well, when I dropped off the stuff for Bill's care-package 
yesterday morning did you notice anything then?" 

"You were in a foul mood when I saw you yesterday, 
remember?" 

"Oh right." I remembered. It was before I left Daniel's 
bedside forever. "Maybe it's just the lighting," my mom 
suggested finally. 

"You just seem refreshed." 

"So what you are saying is, I look better?" 

"Yes, you do." 

"Thanks mom." 

"I have to tell you Dana, I was getting worried about you 
for a while. You seemed depressed and distant. And I know 
you value your privacy and I didn't want to pry. But Dana, 
you know that you can come to me any time. I am here for 
you." 

"I am fine mom," I assured her. For a moment, I actually 
thought the discussion regarding my personal life had 
ended, but I soon found out I was in for a line of subtle 
attack after she smiled and began the series of questions 
about my work and then partner. 

"How are you two getting along? Everything going okay with 
you two?" Suddenly an image of him on top of me in his bed 
last night flashed through my head. 

"Everything is going well. We have been working on a case 
and just waiting for lab results to prove a homicide and 
should have it wrapped up by the weeks end." I answered, 
trying desperately not to give away that there was now more 
to our partnership and was thankfully saved by the waiter, 
who came to take our order.

Spending the morning with my mother was great, but I 
couldn't wait until I could return to him and crawl into 
his bed and wrap my arms around his warm body for the 
entire day. And when I did return, I did just that. Work 
was work, but private time was definitely private time. 

Over the next few weeks our heads were deep into our work. 
The Bureau sent this deputy chief auditor to look into our 
expenses, which so happened to be a tad over budget. They 
decided to keep a closer eye on us by sending out their 
little spies, who made it tough on spending the night 
together when out doing fieldwork. 

One would think that sending spies would also be costly, 
but we couldn't take the chance of them finding us in bed 
together and thought it best to have separate lodgings. I 
guess with other circumstances, we just didn't care. The 
funds spent out in the field were necessary and sometimes 
proved a pivotal turning point by utilizing the Bureau's 
massive technology banks. The last of the interrogations by 
the auditing chief had ended one morning when my partner 
informed me with a boyish grin as he returned to our office 
that he assaulted the man. Truthfully, I am glad he did it, 
but we both knew we still had to be careful.

A lot of things were set into motion that morning. It began 
with a mysterious telephone call from a former case study. 
Actually it was the very first case my partner and I were 
assigned to. The caller, an abductee named Billy, who 
seemed a little shaken and asked for our help, so we 
boarded a plane that morning, bound for Bellefleur, Oregon. 

After fighting off bouts of dizziness and apparent 
airsickness, the flight had finally had come to an end. 
Driving through the little town brought forth flashbacks 
that originated seven years ago and I found it interesting 
that by sight, nothing had changed. We drove into the 
familiar driveway and were met by a smiling Billy, now 
sporting a badge of his own. My partner and I were pleased 
to see him again and personally, I would have liked to have 
had more time to talk with him, but we were interrupted as 
his father, the town Sheriff, entered the driveway, and to 
say the least, he was not a happy camper. 

Even though there was urgency in Billy's voice as he 
explained the disappearance of a fellow officer, Deputy 
Hoese, his father insisted we were not needed. Like our 
last visit, my partner and I ignored the Sheriff's 
dismissal of the incident and insisted we be told the 
details of the missing officer. 

The Sheriff unenthusiastically obliged and he and Billy 
lead us to the last known location of the Deputy's 
whereabouts. I found it a little amusing to find an old 
familiar shape of a large letter X, spray painted in 
luminant orange on the northbound lane of the quiet 
mountain road that my partner had put there years before. 
It was amusing and creepy all in one because this X, seven 
years ago, once marked the location he believed we 
experienced an anomalous electrical disturbance of missing 
time, but now marks the spot where the officer was recently 
last seen with the added feature of what appeared to be a 
melted hole in the pavement. 

I questioned Billy about the personality of the missing 
Deputy Hoese as we gathered three expelled 38-caliber shell 
casings and was informed that the officer was a happily 
married family man with a new baby. Billy stressed that he 
couldn't understand why Deputy Hoese would want to 
purposely leave his life here to start another elsewhere. 
Call it a gut feeling, I could tell Billy was afraid the 
abductions had started again, but before I could confirm, 
his father interrupted once again by calling Billy to 
leave.

Upon departing from Billy and the Sheriff, I suggested that 
my partner and I go get some lunch after taking the shell 
casing to the lab. I wasn't feeling very well from the 
flight that morning and thought maybe something light would 
settle my stomach. A salad and some crackers seemed to do 
the trick.

Mid afternoon we arrived at Deputy Hoese's residence. His 
wife Teresa, another familiar face, greeted us and invited 
us into her living room, where we sat and proceeded as 
delicately as possible, questioning her about her missing 
husband. She tried desperately to refrain from crying as 
she spoke with a shaky voice, while bouncing her baby 
daughter on her knee. She informed us of the medical 
records kept on her husband, taken after the abductions. 
Eager and shaken, she offered to get them as she handed 
over her little girl to me in the process. She was a 
delightful little girl. Very inquisitive and happy.

By the time ballistics checked in with us late that 
afternoon, I was beat and was glad to start searching for 
our dinner and lodging for the night. I was personally in 
the mood for pizza, but my partner refused. It had been a 
few years now since the Texas trailer park pizza guy thing 
happened and he still can't force himself to take a bite, 
but to make me happy, he took us to a quaint Italian 
restaurant where he then proceeded to 'gross me out' by 
picking through his pasta, separating this rather long 
sausage link, then proclaiming he had just found porn star 
John Holmes's dick. Though it did make me laugh, my queasy 
stomach was not in the mood for it. Instead of alerting him 
to my queasiness, I simply asked him to not play with his 
food.

A few hours had past and I was tired, and tired of reading 
paperwork. It had been a long hard day and I was happy to 
just sit still for a moment. I decided to watch a little 
television and got up to search for the remote. It was 
nowhere to be found. I debated whether to call the front 
desk, but as I sat on the edge of my bed, scanning the room 
one last time, a cold chill rippled throughout my body and 
I suddenly grew weak and was on the verge of losing 
consciousness. 

Cold and afraid, I knocked on my partner's door. He 
immediately knew something was wrong and nervously waited 
for an explanation as he lead me to his bed where he 
covered me up and stretched out behind me, putting his arms 
around me for comfort and warmth. 

"Thank you," I said, feeling the uneasiness about him. It 
didn't matter how much I tried to hide it from him, as I 
felt his worried eyes on me I knew he could see the toll 
this trip and many others had taken on me. 

"It's not worth it Scully." 

"What?" 

"I want you to go home," he said softly. I tried to smile 
and play it off by telling him I was going to be fine, but 
he knew better. "No, no, I've been thinking about it. 
Looking at you today, holding that baby, knowing everything 
that has been taken away from you. The chance for 
motherhood and your health and that baby. I think that 
maybe they're right," he offered as he snuggled his face 
against mine and held me tighter. 

"Who's right?" 

"The FBI." He paused for a moment before continuing, "Maybe 
what they say is true, but for all the wrong reasons. It's 
the personal losses that are too high. There is so much 
more that you need to do with your life. There is so much 
more than this. There has to be an end Scully." 

I listened to his soft kind words and felt his gentle touch 
as he soothed me, allowing his fingers to trail along my 
face and the warmth of his stubble cheek pressing against 
mine as sweet lips reassured me with a caring kiss as he 
held me close to him.

I lay there for a long while in his arms. He was so sweet 
and endearing. His warm kindness meant a lot to me. I took 
that moment and turned onto my back to face him and kissed 
his lips. He gently lifted the blankets and covered me more 
thoroughly and moved his body closer, cradling me into his 
arms as he looked into my eyes and slowly, ever so gently, 
kissed my lips. 

"I love you Scully," he whispered and covered my lips once 
again. It was warm and sweet and just what I needed to take 
my ache away. The love in his eyes cried for me as he 
gazed. 

"Make love to me," I said quietly as my hand reached up and 
cupped his face and lead his lips back to mine. 

"You are not well Scully." 

"It is okay, I want you too. I need you too." 

"Are you sure?" he whispered. 

"Um hum." My hands searched their way down his back and 
pulled at the bottom of his shirt, lifting it as I ran my 
fingers and hands along his silky skin. He lightly arose, 
allowing me to free him completely from the article of 
clothing, then I let my fingers trail down his chest and 
belly to his belt and began to loosen it and unzipped his 
trousers. 

I slid them down over his hips. Just one light touch of my 
fingers made him groan and grow hard in my hand. He shifted 
his weight to lie alongside me and delicately unbuttoned 
the buttons on my blouse as he leaned to my lips and kissed 
them tenderly. He then guided his hands to my breasts and 
cupped them in the palm of his hand, then traced between 
them with his finger and unfastened the front snap of my 
bra. He laid the material to the side, exposing my breasts 
and bent to kiss them, sliding his slick tongue over and 
around my nipple, then covering it completely with his 
satin lips, caressing it with hot strokes of his tongue. 

As his mouth lingered, his hand massaged the skin of my 
side and slowly moved its way down to the top edge of my 
pants, where he leisurely ran his fingers from my 
bellybutton to the side snap at my hip and effortlessly 
slid the tiny zipper down. He then got to his knees and 
helped me sit up to remove my blouse. As his attention was 
concentrated on my blouse, I concentrated on his 
beautifully shaped penis that was there waiting for me. 

To touch me... To be touched by me, which was now, to him, 
unknowingly less than twelve inches away from my face. As 
soon as he freed my arm it left me with enough room to 
lessen the distance between us as I leaned to him and 
licked the underside of the head and took the base into my 
free hand, causing a gasp to escape and him to freeze in 
mid-movement. 

I slowly ran my lips over the tip of his shaft as I lightly 
shook my other arm free of my clothing and let my hand 
glide along his tightened thigh, up over his hip and around 
to his lower back. I began to add pressure with my tongue 
as I traced him, flicking it and tasting it. I wanted him 
so very badly. I parted my lips to him, taking the head 
inside my mouth, where I sucked at the velvety helmet and 
caressed it inside my mouth for a long pleasuring moment 
before pulling him in deeper. 

Due to his size, I have never achieved getting the entire 
length completely inside my mouth, though I have never felt 
the need to do so. I didn't have much experience with the 
act and had only performed it with him. He has never 
pressured me to do more and has given me nothing but good 
praises. I took him into my mouth as far as I could and 
manipulated the rest with my hand. 

I curled my lips around his slick hardness and slowly but 
precisely slithered my tongue along his flesh as I pumped 
him, pulling at the skin as I moved him in and out of my 
mouth. My hand, taking the rest of it that my mouth 
couldn't cover, moving in unison with my lips as I gently 
twisted my wrist, moving my hand around it, causing a 
delightful groan from him. 

All but paralyzed, he managed to reach down and place his 
fingers along my cheek as he watched my mouth pleasure him. 
I lead my hand up to his chest where I could feel his heart 
beating strongly beneath his breast, then back down and 
around the back of his upper thigh and held him to me. His 
hand touched my shoulder lightly and began kneading my 
muscle as his other tangled itself into my hair and gently 
pulled me back from him. 

He then smiled into my eyes and lowered me onto my back. He 
reached for my pants and slid them over my hips as I raised 
them. He lifted my leg, placing my foot on his chest, 
continuing to pull at my clothing until my leg was freed, 
then turned his attention to the other and did the same 
until I lay there in my panties before him. He positioned 
himself on his knees between my legs and ran his hands over 
the length of my legs, from my toes to my upper inner 
thigh, where he lowered his face, placing tiny kisses on my 
skin before moving to the area my panties covered. 

It was that area that he circled with his thumb before he 
planted the first of his most passionate kisses of the 
night. He then let his fingers curl around the waistband of 
my panties and began the slow journey of pulling them off 
and delicately folded them and placed them at the bedside 
before returning to me. He rested himself on his belly 
between my legs and slid his arms under and around my 
thighs, arching my legs and spreading them with his hands 
as they rested against his shoulders. His kiss was slow and 
started like mine, with a lick as he circled my clitoris 
with his tongue and sucked it into his mouth. 

The initial feeling was definitely more than just a tickle 
as his tongue slithered, causing subtle jolts of muscle 
spasms to the area and throughout my thighs. He was a pro 
with my body and over time had learned how to manipulate 
it, extracting total pleasure to the bone. He could make me 
cum at any time he desired. He knew exactly where to touch 
me to make my body shake and cry for more. 

As his lips brushed and his tongue caressed, the warmth of 
his breath sent sensations to every nerve ending throughout 
my body. I felt my body begin to completely relax and open 
itself to him and the desperate aching need to be filled 
enveloped me. I forced myself to let him continue this act 
of love until my body couldn't take it any longer. He 
looked into my eyes for a long moment and let his tongue 
slowly swirl over the sensitive skin, watching my lips part 
and my mouth widen as I took in an exhilarated breath into 
my shaky lungs. 

He then allowed his tongue to move even lower as he traced 
the opening to the ache between my legs, never once 
breaking his eye contact. His wonderful tongue began to 
dart, probe, twist and plunge as his thumb worked its magic 
on my clitoris. Then without warning it all ceased and 
raindrops of soft kisses steamed up my thigh and onto my 
belly, circling my bellybutton then made their way slowly, 
but sweetly over my nipples where he lingered, then up to 
my waiting lips as he rested his weight on top of me. I 
raised my legs alongside him and tied them around his hips 
as he pressed himself against me and brushed his lips along 
the crook of my neck. 

The stubble of his face brushed lightly across my face as 
his kisses slowly found their way to my lips, taking my 
lower lip into his mouth. His kiss deepened as his hands 
held my face and his fingers caressed the corners of my 
mouth. I allowed one leg to slide down along the side of 
his body, taking in the warmth and softness. One of his 
hands began to trail down my body, stopping for a moment at 
the curve of my breast and held it there. 

It then roamed its way down to my hip and around to the 
back of me and gripped my bottom before sliding it even 
further, following the shape of the back of my thigh that 
still curled around him and held him to me. The seal of our 
lips broke momentarily and our breath quivered as his 
muscle found its way home deep inside me with a slow thrust 
from his hips that felt like velvet. He moved slowly at 
first. And developed a unique stride where on or about 
every fifth thrust he paused and held himself deep inside 
me. And on that fifth thrust, I moaned in pleasure. 

It felt so good that my body began to produce a pre-
orgasmic quake that quickly gripped his shaft. He froze in 
mid-movement. 

"I'm not going to let you cum yet," he whispered and tugged 
on my lip with his own. He held his hips firm and unmoving 
as his tongue entered my mouth, occupying my mind with his 
kiss. His kisses were long and sensual. I breathed in his 
hungry low moan as his hands tangled themselves into my 
hair and his tongue teased playfully with mine. 

He has always surprised me. Before we came together on an 
intimate level, I had imagined what making love to him 
would feel like, but I never imagined he would invest so 
much into it. I always knew he was a caring person, but 
like me, he held back his feelings. He hid them from sight 
and from the world. But now certain aspects have changed. 
We let each other in on our lives and when he makes love to 
me he not only shows me how he feels, but tells me. He 
allows all of those closed off Bureau political 
frustrations, stresses and disappointments to pour out of 
him and into me in a form of passion, exhibited through his 
beautiful, thoughtful words and gentle touch. 

And every so often he would slip while out in the field by 
a carefully placed hand on my bottom while in an elevator 
or when completely alone, with no eyes watching, he has 
taken me right where we stood. I don't think I will ever 
think of dank abandoned stairwells, buildings and 
warehouses the same way again. 

Even now as he makes love to me while knowing I came to him 
feeling ill, his gentleness has intensified. The worry of 
hurting me and his need for protecting me overrode him as 
he refuses to allow me to position myself on top to 
pleasure him. He is content with making this time spent, 
selfless in trying to please me, putting me before him and 
not wanting to chance that if I were in control it may make 
my health worsen. So, he kept me beneath him where he could 
protect me and take his time. 

His hips began to rock slowly once again as he pulled back 
a little and looked into my eyes and kissed the tip of my 
nose. For a long moment we gazed into each other's eyes as 
our hips met. I curled my arms over his shoulders and ran 
my fingers through the back of his hair and he gently 
traced the corners of my mouth and chin with his thumb, 
stopping for brief moments for a soft little kiss. 

His eyes looked amazing that night. They had such a 
hypnotic glow about them, that I found it difficult to tear 
my eyes from his. I let my hands slide down over his back, 
gliding my fingers lightly across his shoulder blades and 
down to his lower torso then back up again as his stride 
began to increase. 

The weight of his body fitting so snugly between my legs 
felt so good that my hands began to have a mind of their 
own as they found themselves running over his rear-end in 
the same rhythm as each of his controlled thrusts, guiding 
his body to mine. His legs parted further, widening mine as 
he continued to push deeper into me. Every part of my body, 
from my mouth that now kissed his lips, fingers that held 
him to me, every thrust of my hips that met his, accepted 
his body completely. 

His soft low moans excited me as I began to increase the 
tempo by lifting my hips a little faster, while pulling him 
to me a little harder until it felt like I was suddenly 
placed up on a high-wire, high above the world, and any 
second I would lose my balance and take the rewarding leap 
and fly. My cries became louder as I arched my neck back, 
pressing the back of my head firmly into the pillow. I 
could feel the racing of his heart, pounding between my 
breasts. 

"I want to hear you," he whispered between the breathless 
kisses. 

As I lifted my head to meet his lips, his pace quickened 
even more. I couldn't control my cries. And at the precise 
moment I angled my hips downward to receive him, triggered 
the wave that rippled through the high wire until the wake 
had become so strong that I lost my footing and took the 
leap of faith. 

My body instantly coiled to him and held him to me as I 
muffled my cry against the crook of his neck until the last 
shutter had left my body. Now it was his turn. I wanted to 
see him on that high wire. But just then, unexpectedly he 
shifted gears and began to rotate his hips in a different 
and ultimately new direction, sending a renewing static 
charge that began to build again in my body. 

The soft sneaky grin on his face told me it was deliberate, 
but there was no way I was going to argue with him over it. 
He held me tightly, placing his arms under my shoulders. 
His thrusts were high and deeply placed. Since it felt 
right the first time, I tilted my hips downward, so with 
each of his thrusts, the base of his shaft and the patch of 
hair attacked my clitoris with a desired amount of 
desperately needed attention. 

He was so close now. I not only could hear his breath in 
ragged huffs, but feel it too. If there were one thing I 
could say about the man, it would be a compliment to his 
stamina. But I too, over time have learned a few tricks 
that caused him a total meltdown. 

I slowly pulled his head down to my shoulder and began to 
whisper those secret words into his ear and in mere seconds 
he pinned my hips down harder with his own and his thrusts 
became wild. My body began to take over once again and 
squeeze the muscle that was inside me with such a force 
that I could feel the shape of the rim of the head of his 
penis sliding completely out, then rushing back deep within 
me. 

His moans began to change to low cries that released in 
short breaths. My legs began to tremble and my body, now 
coated slick from sweat, began to sing to his song as he 
cried out, "Baby!" in one pleading cry. 

And that comforting cry was all that I needed to join him 
as we hurtled over that jagged edge together. Only once 
before had I seen him cum as hard. The pulsating 
contractions within me gripped him hard as his body tensed, 
all of his muscles tightening as he fought to keep 
thrusting, making sure that all of what he had to offer was 
left deep inside me, until his entire body had been spent 
and filled with total exhaustion. 

His stubble face brushed lightly across my face until his 
lips found mine as he parted them softly and embraced my 
tongue with his in the most beautiful perfect kiss.

I have always loved the feel of him on top of me. Many 
nights after making love he would fall asleep there. And 
sometimes he would still remain inside me. That is the way 
he was this night. Not yet wanting to pull from me. Not 
wanting to break the connection. It was a very comforting 
feeling and I always welcomed it, though this time we 
didn't sleep for a while. We just lay there in each other's 
arms, talking to one another with him still resting 
peacefully inside me. 

"Are you feeling better," he whispered and kissed my cheek. 

"Yes," I answered. 

"Are you sure?" 

"I am fine. Whatever it was has passed." 

"If you start feeling bad again Scully, I want you to tell 
me." I nodded my head in assurance.

After a unexplainable incident in the forest the next 
morning, where I apparently blanked out or passed out for a 
few moments, my partner thought it best we head back to 
D.C. until we could gather more clues as to what exactly we 
were dealing with deep in the forests of Oregon. The entire 
episode that morning still remains a blur. All I can recall 
is walking with my partner and a young man, who the night 
before had come to the forest with a companion. 

The two young men separated a short distance from one 
another to search the area for what they believed to be UFO 
wreckage. In the process, one of the boys, apparently 
vanished, according to his friend who accompanied him. As I 
aided in the search for the missing boy I too walked away 
from the others and the next thing I knew, I was lying on 
the ground with my partner kneeling over me. 

Feeling nauseous, he helped me to the car where we made a 
quick stop to try and find Billy at his residence. Without 
any luck, we returned to our rooms and made the ultimate 
decision to return home.

As soon as we arrived back in Washington D.C, my partner 
drove me home and insisted I get some rest. I gratefully 
accepted his somewhat direct order while he paid a visit to 
the three computer nerd friends of his, that on occasion 
have helped us out of jams, obtained classified useful 
information and boost up my partners alter ego until at 
times I thought his head would explode. I do admit that 
they are intelligent in their own special way and have 
saved our asses more than once. They are very sweet little 
group of guys. 

Sleep was good. I felt so much better when my partner had 
called later that day informing me that the Stooges had 
found something and asked that I meet him in our office. I 
was mortified when I arrived to find my partner standing in 
his office with an Assistant Director and two others. One 
of whom was on the FBI's most wanted list for murder and 
who also just happened to be the one man my partner would 
give up his career to see dead. 

This archrival was the man who murdered his father and has 
since toyed with him, manipulating him into playing this 
game of hide and seek. I was astonished to see him in the 
same room with this man, even if he was being restrained by 
the A.D. 

The A.D. convinced my partner to sit and remain calm and to 
hear what the man had to say. He told us of a story that he 
insisted was the truth of the supposed downed U.F.O in 
Oregon. This ship had collided with a military aircraft and 
had crashed somewhere in the forest of Oregon. It was the 
same story that Billy had relayed to us. But this evil man 
continued from where Billy had left off by informing us 
that the ship was still out there and that it was cloaked 
in some sort of energy field as it repaired its self. 

While this is taking place, the alien bounty hunter was 
'cleaning up the mess' meaning he was gathering up all the 
evidence to past abductions, including abductees. Not long 
after, the Stooges showed up with all of their information 
documenting a trail of heat bursts in the area located in 
the forest in question. 

They stressed that they understood why the government 
couldn't see them and they informed us that the government 
wouldn't know what to look for. It was also stressed that 
it wouldn't be there for long and that as we spoke, it was 
out there rebuilding itself. It was then that it hit me. We 
would be going back there. I didn't want us going back 
there. After all of this time, we had finally gotten close 
to the truth and I suddenly felt afraid. I didn't want to 
hear anymore. 

I couldn't take it and needed to get some fresh air to 
relax so I took that minute to step out. Moments later my 
partner followed to check up on me. I turned to face him 
"If any of this is true" I began but was cut off by him. 

"If it is or if it isn't, I want you to forget about it 
Scully." 

"Forget about it?" 

"You're not going back out there. I'm not going to let you 
go back out there." 

"What are you talking about?" 

"It has to end sometime. That time is now." I tried to 
protest but again he cut me off quickly. "Scully, you have 
to understand. They are taking abductees. You're an 
abductee. I'm not going to risk losing you."

I saw the fear in his eyes. He was terrified. I walked to 
him and put my arms around his neck, "I won't let you go 
alone," I told him as I held him tightly. 

He then slowly pulled away and took my hand and held it as 
he lead me back to the A.D.'s office. A few hours later we 
had come up with a plan of how to map out the locations of 
the missing boy and deputy in relation to where the thermal 
points were spotted on the Stooges documents. And after my 
partner threatened the Stooges to protect me with their 
lives, he and the A.D. prepared to set out on their hunt. 

I had an hour with him in his apartment before he was 
picked up for the airport. I spent that time in his arms. 
But it wasn't enough. The time we had was too short. I 
wasn't ready to let him go when the A.D. had come to take 
him away, but my partner refused to leave until the Stooges 
arrived to escort me back to the office where more planning 
was to be made. I took him into his room for some privacy 
and kissed him good-bye. It was the last time I saw him.

After he left it all went so fast. I was standing there in 
the A.D.'s office going over the plan when I noticed an 
anomaly in the medical charts of the abductees. When 
compared, they all shared the same brain activity of 
electrolytic trauma. It was the same thing my partner had 
experienced earlier this year. I realized that while out in 
the forest, the force field must have grabbed me, but then 
found I was not the same as the others and spit me back out 
so to speak. And then it hit me. My partner thought that I 
was the one in danger of being taken, when in fact, it was 
him. My head began to buzz once again and a wave of 
dizziness overwhelmed me. Before I knew it I had fallen to 
the floor.

I woke in the nearby hospital with the startle of my life 
as I found out the reasoning behind my illness. It seems 
that I was not ill at all. I was six weeks pregnant with my 
partner's child. My heart was torn. I was carrying the 
child of the man I love and he couldn't be here to take 
part in the joy. I love this baby and will protect it until 
the end of my days. I had wanted this for so long. This 
child was created out of pure love. I just wish its father 
had this knowledge when he disappeared. It pulls at my 
heart to know he doesn't know that I am with child. His 
child. So I weep for my broken heart. 


It has now been a month since I last saw him, held him, 
breathed him. I have spent time with the Assistant 
Director, discussing in depth the events that transpired 
the night my partner disappeared. 

He told me of the lasers that were planted precisely around 
the area in question and of my partner walking in the 
direction the tiny beams of light pointed. 

"I just looked away for a second to secure one of the 
lasers. When I looked back to him, he was gone." I don't 
know how many times the A.D.'s story has played in my head. 

The bright light. The ship. I imagine it in my head every 
day and I dream it every night. The knowledge that I carry 
his child is the only thing that keeps me sane. I miss him 
so deeply that my entire body weeps and aches for him. I 
find myself dressing in the middle of the night, getting in 
the car and driving across town in a daze and ending up 
standing on his doorstep with his spare key in my hand, 
then eventually curling up on his bed with one of his old 
shirts in my arms and my head on his pillow, trying to 
trick myself into feeling somewhat closer to him. 

My days consist of unappealing cases with a newly assigned 
partner, whom I do not trust and the constant mental 
blocking of the disturbing fear that I will never find him 
and will never do justly by his child, explaining how 
terrific its father was. How passionate and caring. And 
knowing if I do not find him, his baby will never truly 
know.

So dear partner, please know this. As I sit here now, 
endless tears streaming down my cheeks, I vow until my 
dying day, I will never give up searching for you. My eyes 
will never close, my heart will always ache, and my body 
will forever yearn, until the sweet day that I can see you 
again.



The End

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