TITLE:   JAKE'S STORY II - JESS
AUTHOR:  SANDRA S. TYRA
E-MAIL:  MSTieMom@aol.com
CATEGORY: JAKE/0 
RATING:  R
Summary: I wrote this story to give Jake two things: The knowledge that there 
are good people in the world, people who won't hurt you. And also, to give him 
redemption. He needs to believe in himself again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The lobby was loud with the voices of nearly a hundred and fifty people and the 
music of a string quartet. Jake would have preferred a jazz band or a rock 
group, but it was impossible to carry on conversations with those kinds of music 
going on live in the same room, so the party planners had opted for the quieter 
strings. It was nice music, just not his preferred type. The party was for the 
opening of a new 18 story high-rise office building. Jake had been the guest of 
honor as designer of the building. The speeches had been given and now the party 
was going into high gear. As soon as he finished this last drink, Jake decided 
that he was going to leave. He snatched a couple of canapes off a passing tray. 
Time to find a quiet place to hide.

Jake sought out the alcove that he had specified should be here, under the 
stairs. Even though he was the architect, not the interior decorator, he had 
designed a stone bench for this secluded spot. Every lobby should have such a 
spot, a place where it was possible to hide from any activities that were going 
on there, except in a bank. And this wasn't a bank. He settled down on the 
bench. Once upon a time he had been a more gregarious person. He used to like 
parties. Now they bored him. Or made him melancholy. Better to be bored. Tonight 
he was bored. 

There was a rustle of cloth as someone came around the stairs and stepped into 
the alcove. It was a woman. He couldn't see her clearly; the light back here was 
poor, as it came from out in the lobby. With the light behind her, she couldn't 
see him at all. She had a drink in one hand and a napkin with hors d'oeuvres on 
it perched on the palm of the other. She settled on the end of the bench nearest 
the lobby - he was on the far end. When she turned to set the napkin down on the 
bench, she realized that she was not alone.

"Oh! I didn't know anyone was here." She had a pleasant voice, warm and soft, 
with the remnants of a southern accent crossed with a Midwestern twang.

He smiled, sheepishly. "I wasn't lurking. I'm just partied out."

She nodded. "Me, too." Her eyes were adjusting to the dark enough for her to 
just make out the man on the far end of the bench.

"Jake Brighton." He put out his hand and she shook it.

"Oh!" She said again. "It's your building!"

"In a manner of speaking. I designed it."

"It's a beautiful building. You should be very proud of it and yourself. I've 
admired your work for some time." She gave him an appraising look. "Somehow I 
expected you to be ... older. I'm Jessica Stewart. Jess."

Now it was his turn to be surprised. He had heard of her, too. She was also an 
architect, and a good one. "Thank you. I've admired your work, too. That bank 
over on 8th is very well done."

"Thank you." She smiled. "I'm really very proud of that one." She paused for a 
moment. "Have you ever designed something that looked really good on paper, but 
once it was built it just wasn't what you had envisioned?"

"Oh, yeah." He grinned. "I'm guilty of a few monstrosities. You?"

She looked thoughtful. "You know the Women's Health Care Clinic on 24th?"

He started to laugh. "Titty Village? Titty Village is yours? Didn't you realize 
what three pink domes with skylights would look like?"

She laughed, too. "I never meant for it to be painted pink! It was supposed to 
be white!" She sipped her drink. "Like igloos or something otherworldly."

"It's blue now," Jake pointed out.

"Thank heavens!" 

They talked for a while, small talk about architecture, mutual friends, 
colleagues, their respective universities. Twice, they ducked back out to the 
party long enough to snag a few more hors d'oeuvres or to refill their glasses. 
The third time, Jake went alone and brought back a bottle of champagne, three 
quarters full, and a plateful of food. 

"Let me show you the building," he told Jess, holding their glasses and the 
bottle in one hand, the plate in the other.

"Well," she hesitated for a fraction of a moment, "okay." She followed him to 
the elevator then turned to him with a questioning look.

"Up," he told her and she pressed the up button, then took the plate out of his 
right hand. 

Out here by the elevators, where the light was much better than in the alcove, 
she gave him another, much longer, appraising look. She obviously liked what she 
saw. He returned the favor. He, too, liked what he saw. She wasn't beautiful, 
but she was interesting looking. Her eyes were so blue they almost didn't seem 
real. Her hair was a rich, coppery red, that was almost certainly from a bottle, 
but suited her complexion and looked real enough. She was a little thing, about 
5'4" tall and very slender. She was also about six or seven years older than he 
was. She was wearing a well tailored, blue silk suit with a white blouse. She 
looked very efficient, smart and sophisticated.

He wondered what she thought of him.

She thought he was beautiful. But so young! That face wouldn't know what a 
wrinkle was for 10 or 20 years. She had no business going anywhere with this 
boy. Even though she knew he was in his mid thirties - she'd read an article 
about him in a local architecture magazine - he looked like he was barely 
thirty. He was middling tall with a very narrow waist, moderately broad 
shoulders, medium brown hair, fair skin, the most beautiful green eyes she'd 
ever seen, and a very distinctive mouth. His lower lip was very full and seemed 
to be pouting - it was extremely sexy. The elevator doors opened and they 
stepped in.

"Where to?" she asked him.

"The 16th floor," he told her. He continued to talk as she pressed the button 
marked "16". "It's the highest finished floor in the building."

She nodded. It was a common enough practice, opening a building before the 
highest floors were finished. It was too expensive to leave the lower floors 
sitting empty when they didn't have to be. The elevator carried them upward as 
she plucked a canape off the plate and popped it into her mouth. He took one 
with his free hand and munched it, too.

When they reached the 16th floor, he led her down the corridor and out into an 
atrium in the central column of the building. There were two more stories of the 
building to be finished and the atrium would rise up through all of them to let 
in the light of the sun. It was scheduled to be filled with various types of 
greenery, shortly. For now, there were several trees in huge pots placed here 
and there throughout the open space and plants in hanging pots sitting around 
waiting to be hung. The top three floors of the building had had to sacrifice 
office space to make room for this. It was an outrageously expensive use of 
floor space.

She stood in the center of it turning slowly around and Jake knew that she was 
seeing it not just as it was now, but also as it would be when it was finished. 
Her eyes glowed with joy. 

"Oh, Jake! It's wonderful!!" She was stunned, awed by the beauty of this garden 
in the sky. "How in the world did you get them to agree to it?!"

He grinned, happy, proud, pleased with her praise. "I don't know," he admitted. 
"I just included it in the design and waited for the explosion. It never came." 
He gestured toward one of the trees. "Let's have a picnic." 

They settled under the tree and munched the plateful of goodies and drank down 
the bottle of champagne that he had supplied. By the time they had finished 
their "picnic" he was more than a little drunk. Jess was considerably more drunk 
than he was. She got up, carrying her glass, kicked off her shoes, and started 
looking around. The atrium obviously blew her away. She was still entranced by 
it.

"All the office parties will be in here, you know." She told him. "People will 
bring their lunches just so they can eat them here. Oh, you are a genius!!"

He followed her around, eating up the praise. It meant more coming from a fellow 
architect. Even a drunk one. He wondered what she would do if he kissed her. He 
was just drunk enough to decide not to wonder. He slipped an arm around her 
waist and pulled her to him, turning her to face him as he did. Cradling her 
head in his hand, he turned her face up to meet his, and kissed her. She wrapped 
her arms around his waist and held onto him, kissing him back. The kiss became 
more and more passionate, more and more hungry, until she broke away from him. 
She stood looking at him for a moment as if trying to understand something, then 
she turned, giggling, and bounded down a corridor - one she hadn't been down 
before. Laughing, he followed her. 

It was a fairly short hallway at the end of which was a pair of French doors 
that opened onto a balcony. Because this was the 16th floor, the balcony was 
enclosed in glass for safety, but it was still an opening onto the world. She 
tested the doors to see if they would open and when they did, she stepped out 
onto the balcony. The floor was an open latticework of cast iron to give it the 
open feel that a balcony should have, even an enclosed one. Jess was laughing 
one moment, happily drunk and enjoying the company of this beautiful young man, 
and the next she was frozen in terror. She stood perfectly still, all the color 
draining from her face, breathing raggedly. Jake, stepping out onto the balcony 
behind her, saw the change immediately. 

"What's the matter?" he asked. "Jess?!"She didn't respond. 

"Jess?!" He tried again. Whatever had happened had been very sudden. A petit mal 
seizure maybe? Whatever it was, he had to get her out of here. He put his glass 
down carefully on the latticework floor of the balcony. He stepped up behind 
Jess and wrapped one arm around her.

"Jess," he said calmly, "I'm going to take you off the balcony. It's going to be 
okay." He moved around in front of her. Her eyes were glazed, unseeing, her face 
a mask of fear. This was scary. He picked her up and carried her off the balcony 
back into the hallway. He put her down on the floor and patted her face. 

"Jess?" he said, softly, gently. "Come on, Honey, come on back. Jess?"

She blinked, shook her head and looked around her. Then she turned deep red with 
embarrassment. She bowed her head, as if ashamed. "I lost it on the balcony, 
didn't I?"

He nodded. "What happened?"

"I'm acrophobic. Afraid of heights. But it's dark, I thought I'd be okay. Only, 
the open floor looking down all that way...." She looked a little shaky, just 
thinking about it.

"It's over now. You're safe."

She took a deep breath and relaxed. "I wasn't ever in any real danger. I know 
that. It just happens sometimes, when I'm caught unaware. I can tolerate height 
most of the time, if I can prepare for it." She wondered if she was making any 
sense. 

"Maybe we should go back to the atrium," Jake suggested.

"Maybe we should call it a night." Jess said, quietly. "It's late."

"Sure." He agreed. He was sorry to see the night end, but he couldn't think of a 
way to prolong it. 

"I need to find a phone and call a cab," Jess added. 

Maybe he could drag this evening out a little longer, after all. "Can I give you 
a ride home?" he asked.

"You're in no shape to drive," she reminded him, smiling.

"Give me an hour, and I will be." 

"Okay." 

It was more like an hour and half. They talked quietly, getting to know one 
another during that time, until Jake had sobered up enough to be safe on the 
road. 

He stopped the car in front of her house. She settled her purse straps on her 
shoulder and opened the passenger side door. They hadn't talked much on the way 
to her place. She was still feeling embarrassed about the scene on the balcony, 
although they had talked through that for the most part.

"Thanks for the ride and for showing me your building, Jake. I..."

"Can I see you again?" He asked her.

She looked surprised. "Yes. I'd like that very much." She smiled, and started 
digging in her purse.

He noticed that there were lights on in several rooms of her house and he could 
see someone moving in one room. "You, uh, you're not married or anything, are 
you?" He'd done that once. Once was enough.

"No. I'm not married, I'm a widow." Then, realizing that he was looking toward 
the house, "That's my son. And you? Are you attached?" She wouldn't go out with 
a married man, not even one so beautiful as this. She found what she was looking 
for in her handbag.

"No. Free as a bird." He smiled. 

She smiled and handed him a small rectangular piece of cardboard. "That's where 
you can reach me." She slid out of the car and was gone. He waited until she was 
safely inside the house, the door closed behind her, before he drove away.


He called her two days later and asked her out for dinner. After some 
persuasion, she agreed to come to his place on the following Friday evening for 
"drinks, dinner, and some quiet conversation." He agreed to pick her up at her 
office.

Before he went to pick her up on Friday, he went home to get some preparations 
started. 

As they walked up the stairs, Jess asked, "A glue factory?"

"It was. Once. A long time ago. Wait until you see what I've done with it."

Jake was wondering what her reaction would be to the loft. He knew his home was 
unusual, but also very interesting and attractive. He opened the door and they 
stepped into his living space. Jess looked around. It was an incredible place. 
The whole top floor of the factory had been converted into living quarters. The 
living quarters were divided into an enormous living room/kitchen area: at least 
one bedroom, a huge bathroom, and something on the far end she couldn't see. 

They were met at the door by Stella, Jake's dog, bouncing and happy to have him 
home. Jake massaged her ears and told her she was a good girl, then introduced 
her to Jess.

He led the way into the kitchen area where he had laid out the ingredients for 
the dinner he was planning to make. The meat should be properly marinated by 
now. He went to check the pan that was sitting on the counter. It was empty! 
Where...? Stella!

"Stella! Did you eat our dinner?!" He scolded the dog.

Stella dropped her head and did her "I'm so sorry, Jake. I know I was bad. 
Please don't hate me." routine. He glared at her for a moment. She had eaten $30 
worth of filet mignon and ruined his plans for the evening. Stella wagged her 
tail mournfully. "Please, Jake, I'll be good." she seemed to say.

Jess was laughing. "She's quite a character. Jake, she may need to go out."

Jake agreed. But what were they going to do about dinner? They brainstormed for 
a moment. After rejecting pizza and other fast foods, they settled on take-out 
Chinese. Jess would order it while Jake walked Stella.

As he headed for the elevator with Stella on heel, Jess called out, "Wait, Jake, 
I don't know what you like!"

"The menu's in the junk drawer. My favorites are marked. Surprise me," he told 
her as he ducked into the elevator and pushed the down button.

Jess, left alone in Jake's kitchen, looked around. "But where's your junk 
drawer?" she asked the air. Then she began opening drawers. She found it after 
three tries. It was pretty full of junk, all right, but she found the menu she 
was looking for and checked it. He had marked at least seven different items on 
the menu. Wonderful. She picked up the phone and dialed.

While she waited for Jake and Stella to return, Jess wandered down to the far 
side of the loft. A basketball hoop was hung on the north wall. He had a 
personal basketball court. There was a ball lying on the floor as if he'd simply 
dropped it there after his last game. There was also a huge metal open-weave 
trash can sort of container filled with basketballs set off to one side of the 
court. Did he have buddies who came over here and played one-on-one with him or 
did he just shoot baskets by himself? Probably both. Shooting baskets by oneself 
would improve one's accuracy, but wouldn't be much fun. A one-on-one game would 
be a lot more interesting. She kicked off her shoes - high heels were less than 
ideal for anything athletic - and went to pick up the basketball. She was 
shooting hoops, badly, when Jake and Stella returned. 

Jake set out plates and chopsticks as Jess pulled white boxes from the warm, 
brown paper sack. Rice, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Mongolian Beef, Spicy Chicken, 
Beef and Broccoli, fortune cookies. Stella watched Jess setting out the food, 
wiggling all over with anticipation. 

"You've had enough of our supper for tonight," Jake told the dog.

"We'll need five serving spoons." Jess told Jake. He pulled open a drawer and 
produced the spoons. He added two stemmed goblets from an overhead cabinet and a 
bottle of wine from the refrigerator.

Over their meal, they talked about any number of things. More 
"getting-to-know-you kind of stuff". He found, to his delight, that she was 
extremely blunt and very open. There was almost no subject she wouldn't talk 
about and she had opinions on most things. 

"Did you do this?" She waved her chopsticks around, indicating the loft. 

"No. Alex did most of it." 

"Who's Alex?"

"My fiancÆe."

She froze, the chopsticks hanging in midair. "You're engaged?" Of course he was. 
What was she thinking? He was gorgeous, brilliant, and way over 21. How could he 
have stayed free so long. . .wait a minute. He had said he was 'free as a 
bird..'

"She - uh - she died."

"Oh, Jake, I'm so sorry." Her compassion was instant and real. 

"It was a while back. Twenty months ago." Then to change the subject, "How long 
have you been widowed?"

"Six years." She looked into his eyes for a moment. "The pain wears down after 
awhile. You don't so much get used to their being dead as you get over the shock 
of their being gone, I think."

"I am mostly over it." Damn, she'd turned the subject back. "I still miss her 
from time to time, but," he hesitated, "I guess I am used to her being gone. I 
hadn't thought of it that way, before. One day I just stopped expecting to see 
anyone but Stella when I came in. It felt wrong, but it was a relief, too, you 
know?"

"Oh, yes. I do. When Harry died, I thought my life was over, too. If I hadn't 
had Daniel to take care of, I wouldn't have made it. Then, gradually, little by 
little, as the days went by, the pain just eased up, and one day I realized I 
was okay. Maybe not jubilant, but functioning more or less at normal levels 
again. And you're right, it did feel wrong at first because it felt like I was 
betraying Harry or my marriage or something. But it was a relief, too, because 
it meant that I could start living again."

"So, how long did it take you before you..." he hesitated, then, "got to 
feeling, ah, before you started having..." No, he couldn't ask her that. Not 
even under the pretense that he was wondering for himself. 

"Before I what? Started having what? " Her eyes were laughing at him. "Pasta? 
Hiccups? Sex?"

"Sex." What the hell, she'd mentioned it first. 

"I haven't."

He choked on his wine. "For six years!? You haven't wanted to for six years!?" 
He couldn't believe that. 

He had been more or less getting back into a whole, full life for about eight 
months now, ever since Kate had dragged him out into the desert for that 
photography shoot and then seduced him. Okay, he hadn't exactly fought her off 
very hard, but she had been the instigator and when she broke off with him to 
stay with her husband, although he wasn't completely destroyed, he had been 
hurting for a while. Since then, there had been women, off and on. No one lasted 
very long. After about the third or fourth date, they all broke off with him, 
telling him to "call me when you're ready to let go of Alex." He knew he talked 
about Alex too much, but she had been a big part of his life for a over a year 
and the evidence of her was all over the apartment. Maybe it was perverse of 
him, but he wasn't about to erase every trace of Alex, even if he could; that 
would be a betrayal, not only of Alex, but of himself. 

"I didn't say that. I have wanted to. I just hadn't met anyone I wanted to 
with." Jess said, looking mildly amused.

Hadn't. Not haven't. "Until?"

"Until?"

"You hadn't met anyone you wanted to with until..?" He grinned.

She blushed furiously. "Well, there was this party the other night. I met this 
guy. A real sweetheart. Good looking. Brilliant. " She was smiling. She picked 
up her wineglass again and her hand was trembling. She drained the last of her 
wine. 

Jake refilled her glass. "But seriously..." he started.

"This is no time to be serious." She sipped more wine. She was obviously nervous 
as hell. 
"Okay." Jake grinned at her. "Will you go to bed with me?" He said it in such a 
way that it could be taken as a joke and shrugged off. 

"Yes." The word hung in the air between them for a long moment.

Jake cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter. He hadn't expected her 
to be so blunt. 

They moved into the living room area and sat down on the sofa. He pulled her 
close and kissed her. She tasted like wine and sweet and sour sauce, smelled of 
musk and flowers, and wine and sweet and sour sauce. She was trembling. 

He broke the kiss and pulled back. "Are you okay with this?" he asked her.

"Jake..." she hesitated, "I've been. . ." she stopped and started over. "I 
haven't been naked with a man in a long, long time. Not since Harry. I'm . . . 
scared to death, to be honest."

"Don't be. I won't hurt you." 

"I'm not afraid of being hurt, Jake . I'm afraid of disappointing you. You're so 
young and so beautiful - and I'm neither." She was stroking his chest with a 
small shaky hand while she spoke. 

"You're beautiful. And young."

"I..."

"Shhhhh."

He unbuttoned her blouse and pushed it off of her shoulders, then unfastened her 
bra and removed it. Her breasts were small but well shaped, the nipples large 
and dark and erect. He stroked first one and then the other. She unbuttoned his 
shirt and ran her hands inside it. Then she turned her face up to his, "Kiss 
me," she whispered. 

He did. While they were kissing, she pulled his body against hers, rubbing her 
nipples against his chest. 

"Ummm" she purred. "That feels so good." 

He thought, briefly, Women are weird. She pulled away from him a little and took 
his head in her hands and directed his mouth to her nipples. She moaned softly 
as he tended to them. 

He finished undressing her. She was lean and well- muscled, like a runner or an 
aerobics instructor. Her stomach was flat and he could see the definition of her 
biceps . She must have been into exercise for many years. Her body was years 
younger then her face, as if some clever photographer had made a composite with 
a forty-year old woman's head and a thirty-year-old's body.

He undressed quickly and pushed her down onto the sofa. As he settled down on 
top of her, she muttered, "Jake?"

"Uhumm?" He asked inarticulately, as he nuzzled her neck. 

"Uh, Jake do you have..." Before she could finish he said,

"Yeah, in the table there." The coffee table had drawers in it. 

"Okay." She relaxed. 

She surprised him. After she got over being shy and nervous, she was voracious. 
And vocal. She coached him. Do this. Rub here. Do it like this. Now, Jake, 
now!!! And when she came, she arched her back, thrust herself into him, and bit 
him gently on the shoulder. 

Afterward, she nestled against him and muttered something about staining the 
couch. He told her not to worry, it was scotch guarded.

He stroked her torso, sensuously, while kissing her shoulder. "Can I ask you 
something?" 

"Sure," she said, softly.

"What's this scar from?" He traced the scar that began about an inch under her 
navel and ran vertically down into her pubic hair.

"Cesarean section."

"I thought they cut across for those." He traced a crescent shape across her 
abdomen, three or four inches below her navel.

"It depends on how big a hurry they're in."

"And what's this scar?" He ran his finger across the tiny hairline scar on her 
left breast.

"Biopsy."

"Oh." The breast certainly felt real. "How did that turn out?"

"Clear. It was ages ago. Let's not talk about that now."

"Okay. Jess, listen," Jake was quietly serious. "I should have said this before, 
I know, but ... I'm not ready for any kind of permanent, ah, thing, right now. " 
He waited for her reaction. 

"That's okay, neither am I. Nothing heavy." She snuggled against him. "Just 
friends, all right? Very, very close friends." 

Later, alone in bed after he had taken Jess home, Jake ran the evening over in 
his mind. It had gone the way he had wanted it to, but not the way he had 
expected it to. Jess was an interesting and unusual woman. He liked her very 
much. 

Over the next several weeks, they went from seeing one another once a week to 
being together every spare minute they could find. Neither of them seemed to 
notice or care that their "friendship" was growing deeper and deeper. Jake met 
Jess's son Daniel. Daniel was 17 and protective of his mother. He disliked Jake 
on principle. Exactly what principle, Jake wasn't sure. Maybe Daniel just felt 
that mothers - or his own mother, at least - shouldn't have sex. Or maybe he 
felt that she was in some way betraying his dead father. It wasn't really any of 
Jake's business, and he made it a point to antagonize Daniel as little as 
possible. 

Jake and Jess spent most of their together time at his loft, where the 
atmosphere was quiet and serene. Jake learned from Jess and Jess learned from 
Jake. 

He taught her to play basketball. She was terrible at it, which would have been 
very frustrating for Jake, who was a natural athlete, if not for the costume she 
chose to play in. It was a beige satin teddy, the legs cut like dancers' shorts. 
It fit her extremely well and distracted the hell out of him. 

"You know," he told her at one point, "It's not exactly fair for you to wear 
this thing when we're playing basketball. It takes my mind off the game."

She laughed. "Well, I'll wear something less. . .provocative when you stop being 
taller than me. Until then, this is my way of evening the odds a little."

He grinned. "Okay." He dropped to his knees. And waited. 

She stood looking at him for a long moment, as if trying to decide something, 
then she pushed the slender straps of the teddy off her shoulders and let it 
drop to the floor. Jake held out a hand to her and she stepped out of the small 
puddle of cloth that lay around her feet and went to him. He kissed her stomach, 
softly, and stroked her body, his hands running up and down her ribs, over her 
breasts and back down her sides. He ran his hands down her thighs, then slid one 
hand to the inside of her knee and ran it up the inside of her thigh. She buried 
her face in his hair, her hands on his shoulders. He kissed his way down her 
body, heading for paradise, when she stopped him. He looked up at her, confused, 
for a moment, and she kissed him. "You're overdressed." She told him in a husky 
voice. "Get naked." 

"Yes, ma'am." He stood up and stripped rapidly. Now they both got down on the 
floor, Jess straddling Jake's lap. She gasped as he entered her and moaned in 
appreciation. "Oh, yes!" She thrust at him as if she wanted to push herself 
through him and when she came, her orgasm was so powerful she sobbed.

Afterward, panting in his arms, waiting for the haze of the afterglow to pass, 
she seemed to be purring. I must have done something right. Jake thought. 

She taught him things about women that he'd never considered before. He thought 
he knew about women, but he had never known one who was so willing to be open 
and honest about the differences between the sexes. He'd never known anyone who 
had given it as much thought as she had. She loved to analyze everything. Why 
women did a thing one way and men did it another. She was far more intellectual 
than Alex had been. 

After lovemaking, Jess liked to wear his shirts, but not the clean ones from his 
closet, the used ones from his hamper. He had known a lot of women who did that. 
One evening, sitting in bed, blankets around his waist, watching her moving 
around the room in the shirt he'd had on earlier, he asked her, 

"Why don't you bring a robe over here, then you wouldn't have to wear my shirts 
all the time."

"You don't like me to wear your shirts?" She looked down at herself. The shirt 
covered her to mid-thigh because he was so much taller and so much longer 
through the waist than she was. It made her seem very small and very young. He 
didn't know why she worried about age so much.

"I don't mind. I just thought you might be more comfortable.... you know."

"Oh. No. I like wearing your shirts."

"You're welcome to use a clean one from the closet."

She blushed. She did a lot of that. "I prefer the used ones."

"Why?" He was grinning now, and curious.

"They smell like you. Your aftershave. Your soap. Your sweat. It's like having 
you all around me."

So that was it. "Come back to bed and I will be all around you." He smiled 
invitingly. And she did.


Jess had been very lonely before she met Jake. Even she hadn't been aware of how 
lonely. She was also the horniest woman he had ever met. And the most 
adventurous. She dropped by his office for lunch one day (after calling first to 
be sure he was available) and after a 'hello' kiss, she glanced over at his desk 
and said, 

"Have you ever seen 'Presumed Innocent'?"

"Uh, yeah." He knew what she was getting at. Harrison Ford and Greta Scacchi had 
gotten down and dirty on a desk. He stepped away and locked the door, already 
getting aroused at the idea of doing it in his office. He hurried to close the 
window blinds, then cleared his desk so fast that he knew it would take his 
secretary two days to sort everything out again. Then he all but tossed Jess 
onto the desk. While he had been clearing the desk, she had been removing any 
clothing that might get in the way. Jake had his pants open and down around his 
ankles almost immediately. It was short and intense but extremely satisfying.


Because her son still lived at home, Jess took to staying at Jake's from Friday 
night through Sunday afternoon, every weekend. Or nearly every weekend. And they 
did get to be very, very close friends, as well as lovers. He found that he 
could talk to her about anything. There was no subject that was taboo, nothing 
that she wasn't willing to share with him. Jess had no artifice. She was honesty 
and forthrightness personified. How she had become successful in business when 
she couldn't schmooze was beyond him. But she was successful and she was 
incapable of coping with office politics. It was very freeing to be with someone 
who was so open. He told her about Alex - all about Alex. How she died and, as 
nearly as he understood it, why she died. One day, when they were curled up 
together in bed after lovemaking, Jake, thinking about the various ladies who 
had told him that he was still in love with Alex, asked, 

"Jess, do I talk too much about Alex?"

She squirmed around to see his face better. "Jake, listen to me. Any 
relationship that you have for the rest of your life will have to have room for 
Alex in it. Any woman who doesn't understand that needs to have it explained to 
her. Your time with Alex and your experience with her formed a huge part of who 
you are and how you view the world. There may come a time when you won't need to 
say any more than to explain that once you loved someone who hurt you and who 
died, but how do you explain who Jake is without at least mentioning Alex?"

"Like you and Harry?"

"Yes. Do I talk too much about Harry?"

"No. Not at all." Well, maybe a little, but he wasn't about to tell her that.

And she was a toucher. Whenever she walked past him in the loft, she would rest 
a hand briefly on his shoulder, his arm, his hair, as if to reassure herself 
that he was solid, that he wasn't going to disappear. This took a little getting 
used to. It unnerved Jake at first, until he realized that it wasn't meant to 
get his attention, that she just needed to make contact with him. After a while, 
he got to like it. 


* * * * *


Jess sat in the doctor's office, staring at Dr. Jacobson. She felt numb. She 
couldn't take it in. What in the devil was a pheochromocytoma?

"Mrs. Stewart?" Jacobson asked, gently, "Do you have any questions?"

"I. . .not at the moment. I'm sure I will have when I've had time to absorb 
this. Is there anything that can be done?"

"I would like to admit you to the hospital as soon as possible so that the 
diagnosis can be confirmed. We need to do a biopsy. The tumor is large and deep, 
and we will have to open you up and take a slice of it to find out if it is 
benign or malignant. Ninety-seven percent of these tumors are benign."

"Ninety-seven percent. Those are pretty good odds. Yes, all right, you get 
everything set up and let me know when to be there." She was still dazed.

"I'll have the nurse call." He buzzed the nurse on his intercom and told her 
what he wanted her to do.

A few minutes later, the nurse buzzed him back. "You can schedule the biopsy for 
9 on Friday morning, if Mrs. Stewart can check into the hospital tomorrow 
night."

Jess nodded that she had heard and that she would check into the hospital the 
following day. "Yes, I can do that."

She walked the two miles back to her office because she needed the time to 
think. She would have to tell Daniel as soon as possible, of course. But what 
about Jake? He'd been through so much when Alex killed herself. Was it fair to 
put him through this, now? He wasn't Jess's fiance, of course, but he was her 
lover. Should she tell him? Did he have a right to know? She played over every 
conversation that they had had in the last few months - the ones she could 
remember. He had never said, "I love you." And if he didn't love her, then maybe 
this wasn't something he needed to know. 

But she'd never said "I love you" to him either, and she did love him. She loved 
him so much it filled her to overflowing. She hadn't told him because that was 
against the rules of their relationship. "Nothing permanent," they'd said. 
"Nothing heavy. No strings." She decided that she wouldn't tell Jake anything 
until after the biopsy, when she would have a better idea of what to tell him. 
If the tumor was benign, she would tell Jake all about it. If it was malignant, 
she would break up with Jake. Better to be dumped than to go through. . .to go 
through. . .she couldn't make herself form the words even inside her own head. 

When she got back to the office, she found that she couldn't get any work done. 
Not too surprising. She checked her calendar. The biopsy was going to be done on 
Friday. She would have to call Jake and tell him she couldn't make it this 
weekend. The more she thought about that, though, the more she realized that she 
would wind up blurting the whole thing out to him as soon as she heard his 
voice. She could E-mail him. She sat at her desk trying to think of how to 
phrase what she wanted to say to him. After a while, she got up, grabbed her 
purse and left. 

Stepping into the stairwell at Jake's building, she felt tired and puzzled. She 
was certain that she hadn't actually intended to come here. So why had she? She 
headed up the stairs to Jake's loft. She looked at the key lying in the palm of 
her hand. Jake had given it to her about a month ago so that she could be 
waiting for him when he got home late on those Fridays when they were planning 
to spend the weekend together. She could smell his aftershave in the stair well. 
It was enticing. She closed her eyes and leaned against the wall for a moment, 
thinking about Jake. About his smile, his warmth, his voice, his eyes, his hair, 
his body against hers. She was turning herself on, just picturing him lazing 
around the loft in his undershorts. An intoxicating image, to be sure. 

She opened the door and stepped into the loft. Stella must have gone in with 
Jake today, she wasn't here. Jake took Stella with him most of the time. Jess 
walked around for a few moments. Was she here to say goodby to it? Maybe. Just 
in case. She found a paper grocery sack under the sink and set it on the table, 
open. She began to gather the various bits and pieces of her belongings that had 
managed to work their way over here from her place, plus other things that had 
been given to her here: a green teddy that Jake had given her, a pair of 
stockings that matched the teddy and didn't need garters to hold them up, books, 
CD's, tapes. When the sack was nearly full, she picked it up and headed for the 
door, then stopped, as something occurred to her. She put the sack back on the 
table and sat down and wrote Jake a note. She sealed the note in an envelope and 
scrawled his name on the outside. Then she went into his bedroom and rummaged 
around in his hamper. She found a shirt that he had worn recently and took it 
into the living room area and dropped it into the sack on top of her clothes. 
Then she took the sack and left. 

When Jake got home, he found the note propped on the table against the salt 
shaker. 

"Look, Stella," He held the note out so the dog could see it. "Jess was here. 
Why didn't she stay?" He picked up the note and tore it open as he moved into 
the kitchen and got a glass out of a cupboard. 

Dear Jake,
I can't make it this weekend. There are some
things that I have to take care of at home. Let's
have lunch Monday and I'll tell you all about it. 
Give Stella a hug for me.
Love,
Jess

Why hadn't she just called him to break their 'date'? He pulled a bottle from 
the refrigerator and poured himself a glass of beer. Sipping, he started to pace 
around the loft. She had taken some of her things. Her books were gone, her 
lingerie, her stockings. Her toothbrush was still in the bathroom. Why had she 
taken some things and not others? Why had she taken anything? Was she getting 
ready to break it off with him? He slumped down on the sofa. What was going on? 
He had a bad feeling about this. He put the beer down. He was melancholy enough. 
He picked up the phone and punched in her home number. It rang three times 
before Daniel picked it up.

"Stewart's," he said.

"It's Jake. Let me talk to your Mom."

"She's busy."

"Let me talk to her, Daniel, or I'll come over there."

A moment later, Jess came on the line. "Hello? Jake? What's up?"

"That's what I wanted to ask you. Why did you come over here today and take your 
stuff away?" 

"Didn't you find my note?"

"Yeah, I found it. It's okay about the weekend. I just noticed that your things 
were missing and I got...I don't know... antsy, I guess. Jess, I..." He 
hesitated. "I don't want to lose you." 

Her throat tightened up. I don't want to lose you. Oh, Jake. "I don't want to 
lose you either. I..." her voice cracked, "I have to go now." She hung up. 

What was going on? She'd been on the verge of tears. Why? The phone rang. 

"What did you say to my mother?" Daniel's angry voice snarled at him.

"What are you talking about?"

"She's upstairs crying. What'd you do - dump her?"

"No. I did not dump her. As far as I know, she and I are still together." 

"Well, you said something that upset her. And I think that's shitty when she's 
going into the hospital tomorrow."

"Hospital?!" Jake sat up straight. "Why is she going into the hospital?"

"Like you don't know." Daniel slammed down his receiver. 

Jake sat, stunned. Hospital? Was that what she had to take care of - was that 
why she couldn't make it this weekend? Jake felt cold clear through. Then he was 
up and running for the stairs.

He pulled up in front of Jess's house and sat for a moment, arguing with 
himself. If she had wanted him to know, she would have told him. If she hadn't 
wanted him to know, why hadn't she told Daniel to keep his mouth shut? He got 
out of the car and went to the door. Daniel answered his knock.

"What do you want?"

"To see your mom."

"She's not here."

"She's upstairs. Now let me in."

"No."

"Move, kid, or I'll move you."

Daniel moved out of the way. Jake stepped into the foyer and then ran up the 
stairs to Jess's room. She was curled up on the bed, staring at nothing. She was 
wrapped in one of his shirts. 

"Jess?" Jake went to her. "Jess? It's Jake, Honey. Talk to me."

She rolled over to face him. "Jake? What are you doing here?"

He sat next to her on the bed and pulled her into his arms. "Daniel said you're 
going into the hospital tomorrow. Why?" She was trembling.

"I....I need a test." She had been right about not seeing him until after. She'd 
blurted it out the first time he asked.

"What kind of test?" 

"Biopsy."

He looked down at her. "Which one?" He indicated her breasts.

She almost smiled. "Neither. They do biopsies on tumors wherever they appear."

Tumors. Oh, God. "Where are they doing the biopsy?"

She took his hand and put it over her right side towards the bottom of her rib 
cage, more or less over her liver. "In this general area."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked her, his voice cracking a little. "Didn't you 
trust me?" 

"Trust you?" She was puzzled.

"Trust me to take care of you. Did you think I wouldn't want to know?"

"I don't know." She was trying to hold herself together. "No." She buried her 
face against his chest. "Yes. Maybe. I'm still trying to absorb it all myself." 

"Were you just going to disappear from my life? Was that the plan?"

"No. Oh, no." She lied.

"Were you afraid I'd ask you to leave?"

She looked up at him. "Oh, no, Jake. I was afraid you'd ask me to stay. I didn't 
want to put you through this." She was trembling even harder, now. "You've been 
through so much, I wanted to spare you this."

"Spare me? You wanted to spare me? Jess...." 

She sat up a little and put her arms around him. "I love you, Jake, I couldn't 
stand the thought of you being hurt anymore. You've had more than your fair 
share of heartache." It was the first time she'd said "I love you" to him. 

He tightened his hold on her. "You don't think this thing is going to be benign, 
do you?"

"No."

"Will you let me see you through this, Jess?"

"You don't have to do that." She pulled back so she could see his face. 
"Remember, the deal was 'nothing permanent, nothing heavy'? It doesn't get any 
heavier than this. Go home, Jake. It isn't your job to take care of me." She 
tried to pull away from him, but his grip was too strong. And she didn't try 
very hard.

"No. Jess, the deal's off. I'm making a new one. I love you, too. I'm staying."

"You don't have to say it, just because I did."

"That's not why I said it. I said it because it's true. It's been true for some 
time now, I think. I was just too," he took a deep breath, "afraid of being hurt 
again to say it. I'm staying. You'll have to call the cops to get rid of me."

"I don't want to get rid of you, you know that. I'm scared, Jake. I need you to 
hold me." She finally let go of the tight hold she had on herself and cried; 
great, wracking sobs that shook her whole body. He stayed there holding her all 
night.


She was right. The tumor wasn't benign. 

Jake stood on one side of Jess's bed, Daniel on the other. Jess held Jake's hand 
very tightly, taking strength from him. Daniel held his mother's other hand, 
gently because of the IV needle that was imbedded in it. The doctor stood facing 
them all. The news was bad. Very bad. The tumor was malignant and, for all 
intents, inoperable. It was a matter of months. With chemotherapy they might be 
able to buy her a few extra months. No promises.

Of the three, Jess took it the best. She decided against the chemotherapy. 
Daniel and Jake argued with her about it, singly and together, but she was 
adamant and finally they gave up. It was her decision and she had made it. 

Three months passed, and then four. At first Jess was her usual self. She 
continued to work for as long as she could and to spend her weekends at Jake's. 
But little by little, her strength waned until she had to give up working. Jake 
all but moved into Jess's house, bringing Stella with him. Daniel resented his 
presence, but could see how much his mother needed Jake, so he kept his 
resentment to himself - at least when Jess was around. 

Jake took to working out of Jess's house after she became too weak to get out of 
bed on her own. It was one of the perks of owning one's own business. He and 
Jess were alone most of the day while Daniel was in school. They talked and 
talked. They knew their time was short, and they wanted to share everything that 
they could with one another. They poured a lifetime of sharing into everything 
that they did.

More and more, as time wore on, Jess tried to get him to return to his life and 
forget her. He ignored these requests, knowing that they came from her need to 
protect him. She fretted that she was becoming unattractive to him. He couldn't 
make her understand that it didn't matter. She was herself and he loved her. 
Finally, she stopped trying to get him to leave. Her need for him had overcome 
her concern for him. That was the way it should be, in Jake's opinion.

Sometimes, he would sit on the bed holding her and read to her. He read the 
paper to her, or magazines, but mostly, he read poetry. She loved poetry and the 
rhythms seemed to soothe her. 

Eventually, she got so weak that she had to be bathed like a baby. The job fell 
to Jake because Daniel was uncomfortable bathing his mother. Jake didn't mind. 


* * * *


Daniel and Jake were in the kitchen, making themselves something to eat. Daniel 
had been less hostile the last few days. He was reaching out to the only person 
available. Jake wished he knew the best way to respond. This was Jess's child 
and for that reason alone he wanted to be able to help Daniel. Daniel had no one 
except his paternal grandmother who lived in another state, and who was too old 
and feeble to be here. Daniel would go to her after...after Jess was gone. 

"She's worse, isn't she?" Daniel asked.

"I don't know. I...I don't think so." Jake said. "She seems about the same as 
yesterday to me."

"How will we know, then?"

"Know? You mean when she's going? I think it'll be obvious. Dan, don't be in too 
big a hurry for her to go."

"I'm not!" He flared. "I just hate to see her like she is now. She's so little 
and helpless! It's not fair!" Daniel was trying very hard not to cry.

"Dan." Jake, moved, went to the boy. "I know it's not fair. It sucks. But we 
have to be at least as strong as she is." He gave Daniel's shoulder a reassuring 
squeeze.

"I know."

Jake slipped into Jess's room. She was asleep. He turned to go and she called to 
him, 

"Jake?"

"I'm here." He went to her.

"Lie down with me."

He settled as gently as he could onto the bed and pulled her into his arms. 
"Like this?" He didn't want to hurt her.

She felt so tiny and frail in his arms - Daniel was right about that. She 
couldn't weigh eighty pounds; it must be closer to sixty. Her hair was still 
thick and full, but the color had faded. Her eyes were clouded with pain. Her 
skin was gray and chalky. But she was still his Jess. 

"You feel so good. Hold me. Hold me." She was quiet for a time, then, "I have to 
go now, Jake. I'm so tired. Tell Daniel I love him and to have a good life. Take 
care of him. Take care of you. Thank you, Jake. Thank you for loving me."

Jake held her, tears running down his face. "I love you, Jess. I love you, 
Baby." He felt her body go limp in his arms. "Jess!!" He held her against him 
and wept. 

Daniel came into the room, quietly. "Mom?"

"She's gone." Jake managed. "I didn't have time to come and get you. I'm sorry." 



Leaving the cemetery, Jake was dreading going home to the loft. He was having 
too many memories of the day he buried Alex. That had been the most intensely 
painful day he had ever lived through. And it still was. If Stella had not been 
there waiting for him, he would have gone to a hotel for the night. Cowardly of 
him, maybe, but he was hurting so much, he didn't care. 

Daniel stepped up to him. "Jake, Mom wanted you to have this." He handed Jake an 
envelope. 

On the envelope, written in Jess's handwriting, were the words: "Take this to 
your wonderful garden in the sky and read it there."

"Still coaching, I see," he said to the envelope. 

With Stella beside him, he settled under the tree where he and Jess had 
picnicked on the night that they met. The atrium was finished now. It was truly 
a garden in the sky, full of lush greenery and several varieties of flowers. 
Jess had never gotten to see it finished, except in her imagination. He opened 
the envelope. It was a poem.


FOR JAKE

Oh, my love, you have given me a more precious
Gift, than ever you can know.
You have given my heart joy and strength,
Caused hope to bloom and grow.

You made the time that we shared so good,
You closed my heart to strife,
You taught me what I should have known
Love does not end with life.

Thank you, Jake, for seeing me through it. Now go and find someone who can love 
you like you loved me, like you loved Alex. Like I loved you. That's what life 
is for, after all. It's the only thing that ever really matters.
All my love,
Jess

P.S. Give Stella a hug for me.

Jake stroked Stella's fur thoughtfully. He leaned back against the tree and 
spoke quietly as if in prayer, "Jess, you were, without doubt, the most 
beautiful person I have ever known." He felt a soft hand on his shoulder, but he 
didn't look around. It was only in his mind, after all. In his mind, he would 
feel her, smell her, taste her whenever he wanted to, whenever he needed to. For 
as long as he needed her. 

"Let's go home, Stella," he said to the dog, "and order Chinese take out. Let's 
celebrate Jess." 

And he did.

THE END 
Please e-mail the author and tell her how you liked the story. MSTieMom@aol.com