March 2001

Title: DeadAlive 1-When the Heartache is Over  Author: 
Soleil Compeau 
Summary: Scully's thoughts after the funeral 
Category: M&S friendship, character death, songfic 
Rating: PG sorry folks 
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. They are 
the sole 
property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and the Fox 
Network. No 
copyright infringement intended. Lyrics from "When the 
Heartache is 
Over" 
by Tina Turner also used without permission.  
Author's Notes: It seems that CC isn't going to give us 
much of a glimpse 
into Scully's life after Mulder's funeral. This is the 
beginning of a 
series of vignettes attempting to explore what she went 
through more 
closely, through the holidays and stages of mourning. 
WARNING! This 
fic 
assumes that Mulder and Scully were NEVER LOVERS, but that 
they 
shared a 
deep and abiding platonic love. It also assumes that the 
IVF efforts of 
Per Manum were actually successful. 
 
 
 
Scully was driving home from her meeting with Skinner when 
she heard 
the 
song. The A.D. had gladly signed off on her request for a 
leave of 
absence, length unspecified. He had urged her to come back 
only when 
she 
"felt ready." She recognized Tina Turner's voice and turned 
up the radio. 
When she actually heard the lyrics she sucked in a breath 
at 
their meaning. 
 
When the heartache is over 
I know I won't be missing you 
(Missing you) 
 
She put her hand over her mouth as thoughts of Mulder flew 
into her head. 
The heartache would *never* be over. She would *always* 
miss him. 
 
Won't look over my shoulder 
I know that I can live without you 
Oh, I can live without you 
Have to move on in my lifetime 
Leaving the past far behind 
 
Scully began to sob uncontrollably and pulled the car over. 
Looking back 
was something she HAD to do, if she was ever to leave the 
past behind. 
There were so many memories, so much that she and Mulder 
had shared. 
 
Sometimes I look back in anger 
Thinking about all of the pain 
 
"Oh God, Mulder!" Scully cried in agony. Oh yes, there had 
been anger 
and 
pain too. Scully thought of all the times she had shown 
that anger to 
Mulder. She desperately wished she could take it all back. 
She wished 
Mulder were here so she could tell him, "You are my dearest 
friend and 
NOTHING else matters." 
 
She honestly didn't know if she *could* live without him. 
She literally 
hurt all over. The ache in her heart was so deep, she had 
to consciously 
push her partner out of her thoughts in order to even 
function. She 
didn't know if she could live without him, but she was 
about to find out.