Title: DeadAlive 4-Christmas  Author: Soleil Compeau 
Summary: She must be taking her partner's death pretty 
hard. 
Category: Vignette 
Keywords: M&S friendship Character death 
Rating: PG13 for language 
Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me. They are 
the sole  
property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and the Fox 
Network. No 
copyright infringement is intended. 
Author's Notes: No music to go with this one. I couldn't 
think of 
anything sad enough. Remember, I'm assuming in these 
vignettes that 
Scully and Mulder were never lovers, but he fathered her 
baby via IVF. 
 
 
 
Scully sat on the couch in her mother's living room while 
her family 
moved around her. She existed in an island of space which 
few dared to 
violate. Occasionally a child would bump gently against her 
and smile 
into her face. She responded to each with a look of 
kindness, but no 
more. It didn't seem to matter much. Nothing really 
mattered anymore. 
 
Her mother's face swam into view. Her lips were moving, but 
Scully 
couldn't  hear her. All she could think of these days was 
her heartbeat. 
It was not echoed by Mulder's anymore, funny she had never 
noticed that 
she could hear their hearts beating in tandem until it 
stopped. That 
moment in the hotel room when she saw him by the window. It 
was 
another 
picture that would be etched forever in her mind's eye. The 
much faster 
beat of her child's heart now replaced *his* presence in 
her body and 
soul. Maggie laid a hand briefly on her daughter's 
forehead. She looked 
worried as she moved away. 
 
Scully was left alone for a bit as everyone helped get the 
feast on the 
table. She concentrated on feeling her baby. He moved 
strongly within 
her; stretching, rolling, growing. Whenever she thought 
about him, it was 
always in these masculine terms. Scully suspected her baby 
was a son. A 
son. A strong son who would carry on in his father's name? 
Scully shied 
away from such a painful thought. Into the son she would 
pour all the 
memories of the father, but never the pain. Not if she 
could help it. 
 
Bill Jr.'s face loomed at her next. She focused on him in 
time to hear 
him say, "Dana? I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?" 
 
Mom had apparently saved her the burden of telling the 
whole family why 
she was such a shadow of her former self. Her voice is dull 
with despair. 
"What do you care? You never liked Mulder anyway." 
 
"Jesus, Dana! I'd never wish death on anyone, no matter how 
much I liked 
or disliked them. The man was your partner for God's sake, 
I knew the two 
of you were close." 
 
Speaking is an effort. Everything is so heavy; her eyelids, 
her tongue, 
her heart. "I think he might have been my soul mate, Bill." 
 
Silence descends for a long moment. Bill clears his throat 
and tries 
again. "Maybe you should think about moving closer to home, 
you know, 
for 
the baby's sake." He pauses a moment, then bravely plunges 
on. "Your 
family needs you to be safe, Dana. And... with a new 
baby...a single 
mother.." 
 
It would take too much energy to interrupt him. She lets 
him trail off on 
his own before telling him, "I'm staying in Mulder's 
apartment for now." 
 
"What!? Do you think that's wise? Maybe it's time to let 
go. You know? 
Start moving forward, plan for your future." Bill trailed 
off again and 
shifted uncomfortably. Scully knew he wanted to ask about 
the baby's 
father, and how she let herself get knocked up in the first 
place. If 
only the explanation were as simple as that. 
 
Scully also knew that her mother had probably forbidden her 
eldest son 
from hassling her about it. She lifted weary eyes to her 
kin and made the 
effort to make him understand. 
 
"Bill, I'm so fucking sad, I feel like I want to die. 
Mulder's dead! I'm 
never gonna see my best friend again!" She felt sobs 
building in her 
chest and fought them. Mustn't break down, mustn't cry. If 
she started 
she would never be able to stop. A cavern of insanity 
waited inside her, 
licking its lips in anticipation of her breakdown. She 
would fight the 
demons as long as she could. 
 
"I have to surround myself with him right now. I have to 
see his things, 
smell his cologne. I have to feed his fish. I want to 
immerse myself in 
all his memories. I-I even found myself going through his 
photo albums 
yesterday." She wouldn't tell Bill about wearing his 
clothes or sleeping 
in his bed or weeping desperately to God to please, please 
take it all 
back. Those were the personal things, the things that she 
would never 
tell anyone. The things that damned her eyes. 
 
He looked into her deadened eyes with love and concern. 
"May I ask 
where 
you got the money to pay rent on two apartments?" 
 
"Agent Doggett loaned me some. And I took a little out of 
my savings." 
 
Her brother sighed deeply. He was a bit troubled by this 
particular bit 
of news. She should be keeping her savings for herself 
instead of wasting 
it mourning a partner who had caused her such distress with 
his damn 
hokey ideas. He didn't know what to do with this normally 
spirited 
sister. She was so drained of her usual spark and will. She 
must be 
taking her partner's death pretty hard, he reflected. 
 
"Let me give you some money, Dana. Tara and I live too far 
away to be of 
any real help. Let me at least do that for you." 
 
Scully began to protest, to assert that she was strong and 
didn't need 
protection or coddling. But the words of a long ago college 
friend came 
to mind. "When something bad happens in your life, all your 
friends will 
ask if there's anything they can do. Make a list for 'em. 
Tell them 
honestly what you need-meals brought, errands run, a 
shoulder to cry on. 
If they're really your friends they'll do it." 
 
She nodded in acceptance. "Thanks Billy," she whispered 
lovingly. 
 
"Good," Bill heaved a sigh of relief. Then in a stern voice 
he added, 
"Later we can talk more about you moving closer to mom. And 
maybe 
finding 
a safer job so you can take care of that little one!" 
 
With forced jovialness he got up and went to find his wife. 
Dana's 
sadness was so palatable, he just wanted to hold his loved 
one for a 
moment, reaffirm his connection to her. That comment about 
Mulder 
being 
her soul mate rattled him. He hoped she wouldn't carry a 
torch around for 
him now. Maybe that Agent Doggett fellow would take her 
mind off of it 
after awhile. He seemed like a steady fellow from what Bill 
knew. He 
obviously cared about Dana's state of mind. 
 
Scully looked at the gaily decorated tree that dominated 
one whole wall. 
It blurred before her eyes until the lights swam in a 
rainbow 
kaleidoscope. She was remembering another Christmas in 
another time, 
when 
she and Mulder spent an evening exchanging gifts. They had 
exchanged 
forgiveness and companionship that night as well. She tried 
hard not to 
play the What-If game, but...if only she had known how 
little time they 
really had. If only she had spent every Christmas, every 
New Year, every 
moment of every day with him. Dana Scully continued to 
stare fixedly at 
the tree as she lost herself in the past, the few times she 
had seen 
Mulder smile and be happy. The rare recollections of that 
smile would 
have to be enough this year. 
 
Finally, she heard her mother calling her to dinner. 
 
End 
 
End notes: Even though I'm writing this as a friendship 
fic, I am a 
shipper.  Therefore I challenge anyone to find me a phile 
who is a real, 
honest to goodness NoRomo. I'd like to ask a few questions. 
<g>